It feels as though I have been weighted down with many many shrouds beneath my skin. With every new moon, full moon, eclipse and mercury in retrograde and/or energetic cosmic wave, the soul is stirred, the fear rises exposing these shrouds to the surface to receive creators light and burn them away.
I was so use to looking down at the ground, shoulders hunched over and extremely uncomfortable with attention. And now with every passing month I stand taller, bolder and braver turning my face towards the sky, shoulders back and standing tall. Still humble yet present and here to serve. Not many shrouds left to remove it seems, if so they are very light. I recognize that every day I am creating a new future, with every thought, every vibration, every action I am creating paradise!
The more clear I become on the inside, energetically speaking, the lighter I become. Rising and ascending. Treading Lightly, creating Heaven on Earth around me.
No this is not about a horse. Although, it is relatable. If you consider that Trigger got the Lone Ranger place to place moving him forward through life, he was loyal, trustworthy and there when you he needed him most. ;D
This is what triggers are for. We are meant to utilize them to propel ourselves in knowing, balancing and revealing who we our.
Last night I triggered my daughter into a…funk, for lack of a better word as she is a teenage girl. No offense to teenage girls, they are just a tangled emotional exotic creature. I said something I thought that was playful and relatable to a movie we had just finished. We had watched Steve Jobs. He was a pure genious and in that there always seems to be some madness. There is no doubt that that man was so important to humanity, yet in this film is portrayed as a complete and total jackass. Would we want it any different?!?! Hell NO!!! Does that really matter? Only to those close to him, more than likely. If anything were different about his life would we still have the gifts that he shared?!?!? Way too many thoughts on this for this article but maybe ill rock your world later with my insights. Back to the story. It is not unknown that my daughter is a creative, intelligent and ambitious rebel. She truly is here for and aware of a mission that has been planted in her heart and soul. However, what I said must have really hit home, because she picked up her toys and left. When I say “toys” I mean cell phone. We were about to explore a new function on a photo app. I did something that was not part of the plan and she snapped at me. I felt that I said it playfully. I checked myself to see if there might have been anything malicious behind my intent and nope there was no subtext. I am aware of triggers and apparently I was meant to present this one. And she grabbed it hook, line and sinker! Next thing I know she grabs her stuff and heads to her sanctuary.
I am a peacekeeper and prefer peace, harmony and emotional balance. When things get out of whack I immediately go in to recovery mode. What can I do to fix it. I have become aware that its not my job to fix it. I was just the messenger of a trigger. It is not my job or duty to fix this for her. However, I do also like to untangle things. As I attempted to make peace I was clearly notified that my energy was not welcome in her space…lol.
What I have unraveled thus far and want to share with her, given the opportunity on her part to receive is this.
I believe she saw something about herself that was perceived as a negative thing. Although there is a mind bending debate about wrong vs. right, what I know is that every single moment offers us an opportunity to reach higher. To look at every aspect of ourselves and face it. Look it dead in the eye. Get comfy with it and if in fact is feels like a negative, ask why do I perceive it this way. Something is only negative if you allow it to be. Holdinf a weapon does not make it dangerous the action and use of the weapon makes it dangerous. Knowing about the weapon empowers us. We were all assigned a task during our journey and it is always unfolding before us. Finding a balance in compassion, love, awareness and serving your mission is…Life.
Although I was merely the deliverer of the trigger, there was still treasure for me to reveal for myself. We both had an opportunity to learn about ourselves and each other. When you remove judgement, become a curious seeker to understand, that is when growth and insight propel you into awareness and understanding.
Dating…post Spiritual Awakening ;D Briefly to catch you up, I have spent literally the last 3 years waking up. Having my heart broken to open it, cleansing my body, emotions and energy fields, harnessing the powers of my sexuality, setting all of my fears free and uncovering my soul. Now that that’s done, I have shed the shrouds that have kept me from truly seeing myself in all of my splendor, needing to find someone else to tell me these things make me worthy is no longer a need. I Love everything about myself, including so many things that 3 years ago I thought were flaws are just magic. Turns out every judgement I had about myself are the things I love most now.
Romantic relationships are a changin’ and I am prepared but no waiting. I am no longer in need of a person to fill the holes in my life, heart or soul. I was not broken I was becoming whole. I no longer need a relationship for companionship, security, love and acceptance. I offer all of these things to myself. I have met my match and it is me. I am however in the market for a partner, a Warrior of Light. Someone interested in knowing themselves to the core and beyond. Someone to enjoy getting to know me, for a few hours, months, years or decades.
Holding out for a Hero…Bonnie Tyler
“Up where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I would swear that there’s someone somewhere
Through the wind and the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood
I can feel his approach
Like the fire in my blood
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ’til the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong
And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ’til the morning light”
I went on a date recently and I was curious as to what dating is like with my new found freedom and awareness. Normally I would start by wondering if this one was “the one”?! Being single for a decade can create some interesting dating habits…LOL! This time it was more of a journey about what I might discover about myself and what I might learn about this other soul. What can we reveal to each other? What might we have to offer each other? For a brief time of course, laughter, insight, companionship, respect and enjoyment of getting to know each other. In the past, after a margarita and a tequila shot I would be wanting to make out ;D and the current me was considering it as well. I used to put so much emphasis on the kiss and it would give me a sense of a desire to know more. I no longer believe this is my guiding point to starting a relationship. I also believe that men and women have so much to share with each other and sometimes the search for love not to mention physical intimacy gets in the way of getting to know each other.
I had an unprecedented conversation with a wonderful soul, 3 1/2 hours of fun and great conversation. There was not a kiss at the end of the evening and I was very comfortable with this choice. It was my choice I didn’t even for a second consider if it was his choice or not. I did not feel the need to decide the direction of this relationship at this moment in time. Even in a subtle way kissing is a sharing of energy of a simple intimacy and I was not in desire to open that door. So in short looks like awakened dating for me has a lot less making out and lot more appreciation of my masculine counterpart.
I will admit however to being a shameless flirt. After the date he texted me and said “I did want to kiss you!” and I replied, “I have that affect!;D” I forgot to mention that being a shameless flirt is one of the things I love most about myself and I can still maintain healthy boundaries.
My Warrior looks a bit like this…
==== He lives in the light with a strong sense of integrity and is unafraid to face his darkness
==== He leads with is Heart and through kindness because this where real and authentic power lives
==== He has an unwavering desire to know himself
==== He sees the Goddess in me and is humbled, liberated and empowered in my presence
==== He embraces Love and knows he is a Warrior deserving nothing less than a Goddess
==== He seeks his destiny and follows his path with a deep knowing that he has come to find and reveal Love in the world, in himself, in me, in everyone…and he will not stop until his mission is complete
==== He is humble and bold at the same time
==== He desires the same of his partner.
Does this seem like too much to ask!?!?!?! I think not!! I think a Warrior would ask nothing less from his Goddess than to hold him to these traits. I believe everyman has these traits if they are brave enough to uncover, reveal and claim them. I hold a place in my heart for this Warrior.
Love All Ways,
This is to all of my sisters, the feminine consciousness. It is time to move forward with integrity, towards supporting each other. I notice there are many places to receive information regarding romantic relationships. I would like to bring forward the balancing, healing and releasing of all feminine relationships and return to loving and supporting each other.
In particular I would like to address adulterous relationships. I had a close personal friend that had an affair with my husband. Of course, in the beginning I had a large amount of anger about this seeming betrayal. On the other side of the situation I recognize that she was helpful in delivering me to my destiny. She was helping in a way that I could not help myself. This most likely may have been a cosmic contract we made together. Although my marriage was not the healthiest, this was the only way I would have had the desire and push to end my marriage. This was my get out of jail free card. I am eternally grateful for this gift. I graciously say Thank You for doing your part. I had many opportunities to recognize the dysfunction in my marriage but because of timing, fear or complacency I was not brave enough to go against the “til death do us part” belief. She may have just offered me an exit. I sometimes jokingly refer to myself as the leader of the pack, only to realize that I am in some way forging a path. The times they are a changing’. Marriages are dissolving because partnerships are beginning (more on this in another post ;D). Again I say Thank You to my friend for sleeping with my husband. You have set me free to find my partner.
For now my focus is sister to sister/woman to woman. We are all one consciousness, what we do to others we do to ourselves. It is time to lead with integrity towards each other. We each have a destiny. We each have used sexuality for centuries as a weapon, for power, control and trade for love, security or money. Often trading a bit of our soul. Our power lies in our ability to “enjoy” sexuality as an act of love, of raw and unbridled passion with an unwavering sense of trust and freedom, tapping into our divine feminine power. She does not take what she wants, she “chooses” a Warrior that inspires the passion of a Goddess. She is empowered by her inner strength to offer herself in a sacred relationship.
Close friendship between women is most definitely of soul and karmic relationship. We are entangled together in the same pool of consciousness. Who knows how many other adventures we have been on together.
Almost every woman I know has had an affair with a married man. What I know is…that if women don’t cheat, men don’t cheat. We are Warriors, and we…by standing in integrity require our Masculine counterparts to do the same. I have also slipped into this situation. Believe me, this post holds no judgement, I have been exploring the nuances of my soul and have stumbled many times. I have forgiven myself for betraying a sister as well as a brother, because I did not hold him to his highest good and I did not allow her the luxury of living in the light. Forgiveness is such a powerful word, for my intent was not to do harm. There is always a lesson to learn or some insight to be gained when you are in a place of seeking. Although this was short lived, it was somewhat toxic to my soul…I knew it…I could sense something shady growing. Perhaps this was a necessary experience, to have understanding and to heal this piece of a past I may not remember. I felt my heart break at hands of my choice to take what I wanted. I knew this was not my path. However, I was so terribly desperate for a connection that I was willing to take what was not mine, what was not free and clear. Believing temporarily that this is just how the world works. One single moment I crossed a line and I knew I could not continue, for not much grows in the shade. This person showed me who I am not. That was his gift to me. Just as important as our men and children are to us, so should our relationship be with our sisters.
Let all karmic cycles be dissolved leaving nothing but Love in its place. Let go of fear, guilt, shame, greed and vengeance. So many of the important relationships in our lives are karmic. This karma is extended from many other lives. Just as the masculine energy can continue to recreate wars because of past lineage, we have in a way done the same waging war on our emotions and those of our sister’s.
Let us cease and desist in unconsciously hurting our own souls and that of each others. Become conscious of your choices. I have become very attune to my emotions, feelings and thoughts. I recognize quite quickly when I am experiencing a negative vibration. I am choosing my future experience with every moment. If I take a particular step in any direction I ask is this something I am willing to repeat, something I am myself willing to experience at another time.
I beseech you to step off of the wheel of karma regarding relationships with someone that is not free and clear. There was a time when these experiences were used for our evolution for karmic balancing. Perhaps in a past life I had an affair with my friends husband and it was time for me to experience the energy, the pain the doubt and the deceit. I am no longer interested in continuing this cycle. It is time to move forward with our sister in mind. I also ask that when you speak of your sisters that you speak with kindness and a desire to know her and her journey, you never know what her mission and path is and what part you may have played before.
So I say, I Love You, I am Sorry, I Forgive you and Thank you. I say this to all of my sisters and to myself. This is for all of the women in my life, this life, past and future lives. If I have betrayed our friendship and/or you have betrayed mine I understand that it had a higher purpose. I release you and myself of any and all perceived feelings of wrong doing. Love is all there is! If we have indeed been in a karmic loop I ask that all karma be dissolved and that awareness and healing take its place. That residual suffering be laid to waste before us and that only peace and love exist in our collective consciousness.
I have so many other facets to share…Coming Soon
Mother to daughter- warm and comfy, learning/sharing and simply a vessel – all from a place of Love!
Conscious dating…Search for a Warrior of Light
Recently during a brief moment of lunacy (affected by the pull of the moon)…during a time of releasing, I decided to set any attachments to past male relationships free so that my heart can be completely free and clear.
To all the men I’ve loved, cared for and shared with…from moments, hours, days and years. I have received so much love, energy and growth, Thank you! I love you and release you. I appreciate the wisdom I received from our experience together. You have contributed greatly to the woman I am today.
There were brilliantly equal times of joy and pain creating many levels of emotional awareness. I appreciate any and all experiences that were shared, they were truly gifts.
Holding onto these experiences no longer serves me. I have allowed them to do what was needed and I now let go of all of the ties that bind. Forgiveness for any perceived suffering is not necessary, on my part or yours…for love stands forever in its place. And I realize we agreed to all of these experiences. We shook on it, gave a fist bump, a high 5 and had a laugh before we got here. So thank you for being a part of my journey…and allowing me to be a part of yours.
You have shaped and molded a Goddess. I applaud you. All of the times you shared or withheld…love, caring, tenderness, devotion, fear, vulnerability, energy, or intimacy. You have been instrumental in propelling me forward. You helped me define more clearly my hearts desires.
By writing these words I hereby release and dissolve all lingering bonds and connections that no longer serve me on my journey. I am humbled and gracious for all that you have shared with me. We are free.
As of now I am ready to receive new love with an open heart. Whole and healed.
To My Future Love, I know you are walking towards me I am ready for you…to share with me, speak with me, heal with me, grow with me, love with me forever… And I will graciously do the same.
Love All Ways,
So this is my side of the story from to my previous post… Wake up! You have work to do.
I’ll begin this one with my metamorphosis in an 18 month time span. With a starter moon in April 2014 and then a Blood moon 2014 to a Blood moon 2015. Wrapping it up around the winter solstice of 2015. Mind you I never thought I would be aware of the cycles of the moon . I have always been drawn to her luminescence and mystery but never thought I would feel the intensity in her expression.
From Disco (this is just what I call dancing), high heels and martinis to energy work, past lives and meditations. It’s been quite the journey and I’ve hardly been more than 30 miles from my home. If I had been dating someone at this point they would want their money back, the transition has been miraculous to say the least. Not to imply that I was “less than” before…all my experiences have been perfect and necessary.
Briefly let’s begin with…it was all about a boy. I’ve been divorced for a little over a decade and I’ve been in search of love. I was looking for a new kind of love. From what I had experienced before, love seemed to come from fear and control. I wanted something different and new so I intended to reach higher. Wasn’t really sure I knew what I was looking for but I knew I would know it when I saw it. Trouble is, I saw it but wasn’t prepared for it. The experience I have had is profound… Profoundly magical.
After a decade of dating and never quite finding what I was looking for. Feeling lost and like I would never be able to play “the game of love”. But, funny how when you start to give up it’s a form of surrender. Not giving up in the sense of being resigned more giving up in the sense of giving in. A ” Jesus take the wheel ” kind of surrender…because I’m really fucking this up. When you open the door to this process..this is where you start to begin a new path. I created an opening for something new. In a sense I reached for a higher unknown outcome for a greater experience. I decided to sign up on a new dating website. ONE MORE TIME. I signed up with no agenda and no desire to control the outcome.
Not my proudest moment’s on this particular website. I hesitate to use the word I’ve “struggled”, with my sexuality over my lifespan. I would also say I’m very attracted to a person’s intelligence or more their soul than their body their physical nature. I have instinctively known to look for a karmic relationship as opposed to just a physical encounter. I didn’t know this at the time I just thought there was something wrong with me. That maybe I wasn’t a sexual creature. That maybe I was a prude. Always spinning towards the negative because I didn’t fit in to the collective norm. So I decided to hell with it I’m just going to be promiscuous. Not in a one night stand kind of way. More in an I don’t care if a relationship evolves out of this I would just really like to feel connected, touched and embraced by someone else for a few minutes. I like to call this the year of the Ho! And it was short-lived. I found that lifestyle not to be fulfilling in any way shape or form. Ironically this is the year I met someone extremely important in my life, my Twin Flame. The website I met him on is called Tinder. Their logo is a flame. Love this synchronicity.
The importance of a Twin Flame is to wake you up so that you remember your Divinity. And to bring forward unconditional love. I am humbled to say it worked!
We made our initial connection March 2014. We had amazing texting communication. And when we were about to meet in person, we were arriving at about the same time and he texted me… “we’re about to collide”! I think he should give his intuition some credit.
After a really nice first date I was shocked to know that he just wanted to be friends. I was cool with that because I really appreciated the connection we had made. A bit sad because it’s rare to find a single man who you were connected to in so many facets. “Just friends” didn’t last long there is a magnetic pull between us that was/is incredibly hard to deny. But neither of us were ready for this kind of relationship. This relationship is the ultimate mirror to your soul. When you’re in their presence it brings up past/current life pain and/or fears. This is the ultimate relationship. And you must heal all of these raw/fearful/broken places before you can be together in harmony. Not to imply that you cannot do this work together…however it’s a bit scary to grasp…especially if you try to relate using your mind. Being consciously aware of the emotions that surface, realizing they are releasing can create madness if you’re unaware of the relationships intended purpose. Also there’s this whole vibrational balancing act to contend with. WOW!!!! This is legit…I faced many aspects of my ego. Purging and taming the Ego is crucial to emotional freedom. And detachment is key!
Of course writing this after-the-fact is much easier then it was experiencing all of it. We did the on and off dating thing for a few months. There was a deep underlying sense of caring and friendship and some very deep spiritual sharing as well, but it was mostly raw and sexually mind blowing. Very hard to let go of a piece of yourself that you’ve just uncovered and have been searching for for so long. Thinking he is the keyholder to that and that there’s really no sense in having sex ever again if it’s not with him…lol! I don’t mean to get nasty here but this is what we are all meant to experience. I was just given a taste of it so that I would be inspired to do the work. Lol! The transparent dangling carrot. And it has been worth every moment.
In October 2014 the weekend of the blood moon… He shared with me that he had surprisingly met somebody and they were in a relationship. I had been realizing the beginning signs of my intuition and somehow I had known that he was dating someone he already knew. A subtle message (like from a dream) I had received but kind of blew off. Because our relationship never seem to go beyond friendship and deeply respectful casual sex…was I surprised when I hit my knees in a puddle of weepy tears. Broken hearted and in surrender to that thing that is bigger than us, that thing that is all knowing…The source of love! I like to call GUS (God, Universe, Source). Which is exactly where it wanted me! This is where we listen when we realize that we don’t know anything at all. From that blood moon to the next, I released past life pain and suffering, current life pain and suffering and residual karma. Along with old outdated paradigms. I had a few other connections with this fabulous person. Always enjoyable and intense. Always leaving me with something to reflect on and heal. Which is completely the purpose of this connection. I got knocked down emotionally and physically at different times and I would stand up stronger after each episode. Always turning the experiences inward so that I could do my work. This man single-handedly awakened my soul.
I have tales of cosmic lore and ancient love stories. A past life pain that kept me from embracing him in the first place. Apparently we were important spiritual leaders in some sort of Mayan culture and were speaking out about love and kindness and unity and someone near us did not agree with our message. We were incarcerated together. They came and got him and killed him and left me there to rot. Crying myself to death. I share this because when this was revealed to me I felt it in my soul. A steady flow of tears. It was the reason I would always be fearful of embracing him truly. Because the pain of losing him before was so great that I dare not suffer that loss again. I saw him not too long ago and I feel like it brought this pain of loss to the surface one final time. For 48 hours I mourned his death… It seemed like I had lost hope. I had never before experienced emotional pain like this pain. I became the observer. I remember saying to myself “WOW! That is what this feels like. This hurts A LOT!” Kind of like I was reporting to headquarters my emotional status. Once I became aware I started using my tools… Asking for help from any available higher source! Asking to release this pain!
This is the beauty of awakening. When you are aware that you are suffering and releasing you do not need to embrace it you can experience the pain feel the emotions as they flow through you and then let them pass. So often we get trapped in the suffering part and forget to step out of it.
So far the craziest part of this journey is that this man just looks at me like I’m some girl he dated. He has given me the gift of freedom, liberation and awakening. He has uncovered unconditional love From my soul. He has won my heart and we haven’t even begun our journey in this life yet. I pray to do the same for him. To awaken him to his freedom and purpose. We are all here for greatness. We just need to reach for it.
The irony is when I wrote the first wake up you have work to do letter I didn’t quite realize that I also had lots to do. So often I have said “I’m great”, “I’m fine”, “I’m healthy and healed”. And then…BAM!!!! Not so much! Now I just say I’m continually moving forward to a place of serenity, peace and surrender. Seeking guidance and clarity and direction every second. Being present and allowing it to unfold. That is all we have… And all we need to do.
WAKE UP!!! You have work to do too!
To my Guides, Guardian Angels, all Arc Angels, Ascended Masters, Galactic Team, Mother Earth and Source,
During this magical ultra radiant moon I ask for miracles to abound.
I am so very grateful and humbled by the miracles I see daily! Keep ’em coming! You guys rock!!!!
I pray that the abundance of love, joy happiness, peace, magic and awakening that I have received be shared with every soul at the level of their greatest good. Please help me spread this gift from my heart, outward in a brilliant blast of light that reaches every molecule of energy that is ready and able to receive. Let it permeate body, mind and soul. Let it engulf each soul in a mist that covers this beautiful planet. Let it seep down into Mother Earth and to every animal, plant and surface. Let it reach the core of Mother Earth and touch her sacred waters…the original vibration of water. Let that water imbue the mist, push it back out towards the surface. Like amniotic fluid, allow it to be breathed in from the roots of all plants, flowers, trees, grass, sand, rocks, dirt mountains and streams. Up through the feet of every living creature. Up and up! Cleansing, purify, healing and awakening every molecule, atom every cell!
As this beautiful mist continues to rise into the skies and into the cosmos it sends this purified energy to all galactic beings, planets and the unknown. Until it reaches SOURCE!
As SOURCE receives this kiss of life from Mother Earth and bits of energy of all creation it is taken in graciously. This kiss is then infused with the power and magic of unconditional love. A love that has never been seen or felt before. A wave of pure serenity, ecstasy, joy and peace. A cosmic waves of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. In the blink of an eye this creates the ultimate miracle… unity in love and expansion for all.
Amen and Abracadabra
Sit down and let’s get comfortable! I want to unfold in front of you. Is that ok? Am I safe?
I want to reveal my soul to you. What will you do? Will you embrace me. Will you be curious. Will you be open. God has planted these desires in my heart. Will you help me explore them. It’s a puzzle I am trying to put together. Do you have a piece of it?
Will you share your soul with me? I’m interested. What desires are in your heart. I want to support you. If I have a piece of the puzzle I’d like to give it to you.
Let’s get comfy with each orther!
Be an observer! Be curious about the emotions that pop up within you…be Interested.
I’m feeling angry
I’m feeling sad
I’m feeling sexual
I’m feeling happy
Let them come and go…like the clouds that pass over the sky. It is not necessary to act on the emotion just observe it. It is not necessary to react or give into every desire or emotion or impulse. Experience it and decide where it is coming from and what action can be taken from a thoughtful place instead of a reactionary place.
We tell our children that it’s not OK to hit another when we are angry. Of course they are feeling “anger”… It’s great to recognize that it’s there…attemt to find out where it comes from. Address the source.
It’s all an experience! Will you react or will you respond?
Life is a train of moods like a string of beads; and as we pass through them they prove to be many colored lenses, which paint the world their own hue, and each shows us only what lies in its own focus.
Ralph Waldo Emerso