Category Archives: Twin Flame Fun

The unfolding of my Twin Flame Journey

Remember that time I stalked you!

After my last post I had a bit of an epiphany that helped me see that relationship with more clarity, more humor. On this Twin Flame path you must have laughter to survive it can be a total mindfuck! Because your energy is their energy and vice versa, if you crucify yourself for your actions they will crucify you as well. If you laugh and love your self so will they. The mirror is a perfectly clear one. One day we might look upon this with a different lens, at the comedy of it. And you do know how much comedy and tragedy enjoy to play. It will go a little like this…Remember that time I was stalking you!?!?! Do yo know how they say love isn’t just going to come an knock on your door! Well it did…and thats what I was thinking when I did it. “I am here, I have all of this love for you and I have been so scared to tell you about it. Finally I have climbed these steps which seem like mountains and I am here standing at the top of this hill (porch) ready to share my body mind and soul. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK..Let me in so I can love you…LOL!” And in you eyes you were probably thinking,”what the actual fuck?!?!? Why is this girl I had sex with SEVERAL times and had amazing moments of emotional and spiritual intimacy with stalking me”. And you were actually scared of me and thinking I was a lunatic! Unconditional love actually came to your door and sent you a letter and you said…NAH…Im good! That is how deeply distorted things were back then. Or maybe it wasn’t that way at all maybe you saw how brave I was to go after what I wanted…brave and fearless. Brave to carry out such a grand gesture. Who knows…I look forward one day to knowing exactly how it showed up to him. I have a great deal of clarity. However, clarity and knowing with out anothers acceptance…well its a little like stalking…stalking with love.

Endings Bring New Beginnings

There is a New Moon today so its a time of powerful manifesting 1/18/2018. The numbers are strong for today’s intention. I have read the 8 is the most balanced number and it is the great karmic equalizer. Also, 2018 is said to be an 11(2+0+1+8=11) year, a Master Year, I could definitely use a year of Mastery after the last two years. So with all the power and energy of the number 1 magnified again by doubling it to 11 I release the past and call in a completely New Beginning. I have healed and healed and healed some more. I move forward with treasures and surrender the rest to the Universe. I call in romance, friendship, partnership, sacred sexuality, love, empowerment, creativity, joy, bliss, simplicity, and harmony.

There is a person close to my heart that I have desired a relationship with in the past that has eluded me. I reached out one more time today to see if perhaps there was a new opening. There was not response…I might actually be blocked but I am kind of proud of that in a way because I have been such a rule follower and afraid to do the wrong thing in life and if I did something wrong in this relationship so be it…it took action for my owen heart. In the past he had been in another relationship and I would reach out from time to time as friend meaning not disrespect for that relationship just in honor of my heart felt desire to touch base. I see now that it was not my place at this particular time to seek engagement. So with him and the relationship he may be in I offer ho’oponopono, I meant no disrespect and harm to the love and connection they share.

I now set this person free for I love him dearly and desire his true happiness. I set my self free from thinking I must grasp and seek love. Loving unconditionally is only part of it…expressing unconditionally is the other part. In the past I held on to something that was not presented to me, was not offered to me. I was not invited to build or create relationship with this person it was something that I was grasping at. I see now that as much as I was desiring this relationship it was not available to me. I was chasing and responding to a dream not the current reality. I am beginning to grasp how law of attraction really works. I am beginning to find my footing. I am beginning to be fully present and grounded in this reality, in this moment. Its asking for it and then letting it go, not choosing the person and running after them. Its trusting the I will receive the love I deserve and if it is not currently in my life, its on its way. Setting if free. Letting it manifest in the right time, if it is meant to be it will be. I had lost trust in myself and in GUSS, thinking that I had do everything right in order to receive such a gift, the gift of divine Love.

The other side of this coin is that in the past I held such remorse for never sharing my true feelings. Sure, I wrote him an 8 page hand written letter that probably made me sound insane. Unsure of how it was received by the him. Did he receive it like a love letter, like the rantings of a stalker or mad woman, or just unwanted and uncomfortable gestures of affection. We never spoke of it and in fact later he told me he shredded it. I’m pretty sure I punched him although a part of me thinks there is no way he did that. Many times after “the letter” I found myself in his presence, enchanted and paralyzed. Because of my own fears of rejection I did not speak my heart, perhaps I even withheld it for I knew it might shatter me if it was not accepted. I endured great pain at the thought of this being the reason I was not invited into this persons life as a friend or partner, always seemingly on the outskirts of his experience and/or his heart. Because I was not brave enough. There has been no greater pain (and the tears flow now even as I type this) than not sharing my heart with him, deep remorse. I am not even sure there was ever a desire or an opening on his part, we never really spoke about it. I just know I would go back a thousand times and speak my truth, not matter the outcome. Rejection is not my greatest fear, its not creating the opening, not being brave enough to ask for a shot at sharing an adventure together. This has been a hard learned lesson and the next time I am presented with an opportunity to share any part of my heart I will not hold back. This goes with my family, friends, acquaintances and any romantic love interest that presents itself.

I have released this pain, this lesson…I have however kept the nugget. That I deserve love for just being here, for existing. Because I was created from Source energy I am loved because I am LOVE. I do not need to look outside of my self any longer. I know that in this particular relationship that it is all about self love. I have learned to love myself truly, deeply and passionately. Love all ways. I am now ready to share and receive because I am whole. I can share my heart because it is overflowing. I hold no fear of rejection because I accept myself, body, mind and spirit and I ready to receive with a wide open heart. I am Love and so it is that I attract LOVE.

So…the Ending is letting go. Prying my fingers loose and letting the Universe bring me what it will. Ending my expectation, my control and desire to manage, because its more fun to just be surprised and enjoy the ride. To listen to my heart and respond in kind from this day forward. An ending of my old fearful patterns and the beginning of a heart inspired future. And you can bet money that the next time I get to spend time with this gorgeous soul I will inquire about the true status of that letter.

For You!

On your sacred journey, I pray that the winds blow away the fog and clear your path. That the rustling of the trees whisper the name that is calling you home. That the stillness allows you to hear the stirring echo of your destiny. That you allow the animals to assist in guiding you through the dark places, the rough terrain and when you are just too tired to carry-on. That the waters guide you effortlessly to your source. The rain purifies, the ocean waves knock away the edges, that the lakes and streams carry you gently forward. As you bathe in the sacred waters of Mother Earth’s pools, like amniotic fluid it is inhaled into your entire being, facilitating your rebirth. Let the sun nourish you and warm your heart, body and soul. Allow it to burn away the veils that blind you from knowing your Divinity. That the moon heal, comfort and cool you with her luminescence. Allow her pull to humble you. As you bow to that thing that is greater than us, that thing we cannot fathom yet know so well to the depths of our soul, that thing that scares us because of how wonderful it feels, that thing that offers us unconditional love in the purest form. Bow so that you may receive your blessings from your Creator. So that your Creator may remove what you have carried for so long and align you on your sacred mission. Source wants to remind you that you came to lead not to follow the ways of mankind. Those who feel that their strength is in holding and carrying the burdens of others, when it is really to be surrendered to your source so that your journey may be full of joy, peace, happiness, leisure and love as you walk through paradise. As you kneel down in the dirt I ask that you feel the pulse of mother Earth flow through your veins. Like a transfusion you are relieved and cleansed of the ways of old, the old templates, the old paradigms. That you inhale the fragrance of Divine’s love for you as it permeates your every cell to align your vibration and frequency to pure unconditional love.

When the dawn breaks and you slowly rise…seeing yourself clearly, feeling whole, hearing the call of your beloveds heart, sensing your own powerful presence, knowing that you have overcome many obstacles and now understand why. The truth revealed, your soul healed and your wisdom and memories restored. You are suddenly aware that it is all as it should be. That you are a phoenix rising. You then turn towards the morning sun with purpose and mission. As you look to the side and see your partner there standing with you, as they have been since the beginning of time. You take their hand and walk forward in your mission. Knowing it is time now to step over the threshold of the old masculine/feminine roles and step in to the new divine masculine/feminine essence of being pure LOVE. It is what you both came for.
Amen??,
Abracadabra?
and so it is ??!!!

LOVE ALL WAYS,
Your Beloved

A Space Between Lovers

The space between two lovers. Not distance, for there is no distance between this kind of love. More a space to breathe, observe and admire. A space to grow.

As she walks up the stairs into his home it is as if her clothing evacuates her body. One piece at at time she sheds the personality she has chosen for the day. For this is how she dresses each day, based on her mood, her feelings and her persona. However, in his presence she can only exist in her truest form. For her there is no hiding from him, not even behind a thread. First her shoes one at a time. Every step she takes in front of him relieves her of the mask she wears and the shields she has put up to protect herself. Next her shirt would seem to rise above her with a sort of effortless wave of energy and then vanish, in a kind of spiral upward and away. As she continues exploring her surroundings, getting a feel for his space she can feel him everywhere. She absorbs his scent and his mood, as she steps out of her jeans, which seem to be just barely resting on her narrow hips. In 2 more steps the jeans are gone, evaporating like a mist. Still she does not make eye contact, because in that moment, when their eyes meet and their souls touch, there is only surrender. With a wispy and fluid movement she releases her skin from the confinement of her under garments, and there she stands in full regale…the Goddess she knows she is! In this space, in his space she is fully in the light. He is the place that reveals this gift to her. It is her own mission, to know it in her heart and soul.

For him this seems to be all in slow motion. This is the magic of true lovers. He is not lost in her, he is found. Like the yin/yang symbol, there is no line dividing them only an observation of the closeness. A reflection. Connected and separate at the same time, one the eternal balance of the other.

He is an artist and is taking it all in. Pulled equally from desire. His desire to take her and his desire to capture the way that she moves, breathes, they way she enlivens the space around her…to attempt to capture her essence so that he can lay it on a canvas. As a painter you cannot paint what you do not know. To truly tap into artistry you must experience your expression before you can be satisfied with its unveiling. You must know the subject intimately. His desire to absorb more and to know more is overwhelming. Choosing seems an impossible task and an en devour he has spent lifetimes preparing for. Her movements hold memories of the past and the future. To him she is rhythmic and has an artistry in her gestures that his mind can not fathom, yet his heart and soul understood eternally. His sensibilities stunned and mesmerized. Being in control is his armor and it melts at the sight of her. The journey of a warrior is upon him.

She stands there for a moment feeling more at home than she has ever know. Naked, bold and finally free. He asks her to stand there a moment. When he asks her for something it’s not like a request or a demand…more of a shared mission of respect, from centuries of trust. He gets his camera and takes a few photos to attempt to capture what he sees with his eyes, what he senses and what he feels in her presence. Of course the photos are not enough. He must touch her with his hands, his lips, his body…his soul. The minutes turn in to hours, the moments themselves seem insatiable. Its a never ending circle of pleasure. There is a trust that is deeply rooted, rooted in an ancient love story.

This is the key to healthy sexuality. Trust. Trust that the other person sees you and hears you. Not just with their eyes and ears but with their senses. The arch of you body, the desire to give or receive, the sound of your response to their action and reaction is seen as a tantric dance. They sense your thoughts. What they take for themselves you receive, what you give you receive. A constant balancing flow of giving and receiving. A place of reflection so that each may know themselves intimately. A sacred space for lovers to unfold and reveal their own divine nature.

I Have a Particular Set of Skills

I received guidance regarding the Twin flame rays. Not so much about the particular color of the rays, but perhaps a broader perspective. I imagine a circle of white light and white reflects all colors. That light is divided into spaces similar to a clock, all the twin flame rays. Each with their own particular set of skills. I’m still unfolding this information but this is what I sense so far. 12 Rays, 12 zodiacs signs, 12 houses in astrology, 12 DNA strands…12 x 12 = 144 (referring to the 144,000). I am certain there is so much more to uncover here I’m just scratching the surface. The combination of Twin Flame pairs I am sure can be put on a graph based on certain demographics, not to mention our geographic locations. I am certain it is perfectly balanced (another project for another time). As you can view when you look at any color wheel all of the colors blend from one the the next. And many of the colors have an element of the other colors. There is no line separating one from the other. One color organically becomes the next. I envision Source energy as the base on that which we all rest on and nowhere on that space are we ever not connected. It is the illusion that blinds us for a while so that we may have experiences. And the more our own personal connection to source is strengthened the more we become illuminated. If we had all of the answers when we first arrived we would not have the lessons under our belt. We are here to guide humanity.

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As the numbers on a clock change from one to another also does the ray change color, all attached to source energy, all on a particular mission. All in a sense responsible for their specific group of the collective consciousness. Every space in between representing that group they came to guide. For instance Blue Rays are the teachers. The teachers have many different areas that require guidance. For example, technology, the school system, the healthcare system, the political and environmental systems…just to name a few. And the teachers themselves are masters of words, experience and intuition… These tools assist in guiding others. Transmuting energy wherever we go, as do all Twin Flames. We teach trough energetic exchange, music, words, art and by example. So each Blue Ray will most likely be a different shade of blue until it turns to green or purple. If you’ll notice a lot of that color wheel, maybe even half has some element of blue.

Perhaps before we were awakened we were a jumble of madness in the center of that circle, fully engaged and experiencing life with the collective. For a while we seemed lost trying to blend in and follow leaders we knew in our heart were not on the divine path. And then we hear the call of our soul and realize we did not come here to follow we came here to lead. In order to lead someone, you must have walked the path yourself, acquired the light and the tools necessary to forge a path. How can we tell others how to evolve their soul, find their purpose and hold tight to their worthiness when seeking a partner, to trust their divine unfolding when we have not done the work ourselves. We as Twin Flames are living examples, sprinkled all over this magnificent planet guiding humanity to love, unity, kindness and peace. Each a rare example. A single dot on the new Earth holding the light for those who are seeking behind us. We must find that place within ourselves first. Each ray is not just one pure color, it is the perfect shade for your mission. As we awaken and the veils are lifted, we step out of the fog and move in the direction that calls to our soul. Walking forward, expanding consciousness, making the circle bigger. Our strides become longer and more confident and we end up at the outer edge of that circle.

At this time in the collective consciousness of humanity we have been in desperate need of masculine and feminine balancing. The masculine of the past seem to have not been coming from a divine presence. This, not so divine masculine, was not willing , nor in a place to just hand over power to the Divine Feminine, It was necessary to CLAIM IT!!!! Do you think we would hold this as an honor if they just said “Here, it is time we gave this to you.” There is a streak of rebel in me that is aware of that it is my duty and birth-rite to live in this balance, it is not to be given, that implies the other still holds the power. Now that we have tipped the scales of balance it is time for our Divine masculine to balance from the other side. This places us all strategically on this wheel. With a vision of the bigger picture, it is clearer to me than ever before. If we hold strong and anchor our position, there is no way that we fail to bring is planet in to the vibration of Love, Paradise, Balance, Unity, Technology and Peace. It is your job to walk your path as authentically as you can. You are defining your healing ray. Shattering old templates, healing DNA, verbal and psychological healing. Being an example of a life path that brings joy to your every day.

When we reach our goal to the outer edge of the circle it is easy recognize that every twin flame is different in some facet. So no one Twin Flame can stand in the same spot on the outer line of the circle. Humanity is in the center moving outward, walking next to us and behind us expanding…expanding towards God, Source, universe…Creator! Expanding towards LOVE!

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Wake up! YOU have work to do too!

So this is my side of the story from to my previous post… Wake up! You have work to do.

I’ll begin this one with my metamorphosis in an 18 month time span. With a starter moon in April 2014 and then a Blood moon 2014 to a Blood moon 2015. Wrapping it up around the winter solstice of 2015. Mind you I never thought I would be aware of the cycles of the moon . I have always been drawn to her luminescence and mystery but never thought I would feel the intensity in her expression.

From Disco (this is just what I call dancing), high heels and martinis to energy work, past lives and meditations. It’s been quite the journey and I’ve hardly been more than 30 miles from my home. If I had been dating someone at this point they would want their money back, the transition has been miraculous to say the least. Not to imply that I was “less than” before…all my experiences have been perfect and necessary.

Briefly let’s begin with…it was all about a boy. I’ve been divorced for a little over a decade and I’ve been in search of love. I was looking for a new kind of love. From what I had experienced before, love seemed to come from fear and control. I wanted something different and new so I intended to reach higher. Wasn’t really sure I knew what I was looking for but I knew I would know it when I saw it. Trouble is, I saw it but wasn’t prepared for it. The experience I have had is profound… Profoundly magical.

After a decade of dating and never quite finding what I was looking for. Feeling lost and like I would never be able to play “the game of love”. But, funny how when you start to give up it’s a form of surrender. Not giving up in the sense of being resigned more giving up in the sense of giving in. A ” Jesus take the wheel ” kind of surrender…because I’m really fucking this up. When you open the door to this process..this is where you start to begin a new path. I created an opening for something new. In a sense I reached for a higher unknown outcome for a greater experience. I decided to sign up on a new dating website. ONE MORE TIME. I signed up with no agenda and no desire to control the outcome.

Not my proudest moment’s on this particular website. I hesitate to use the word I’ve “struggled”, with my sexuality over my lifespan. I would also say I’m very attracted to a person’s intelligence or more their soul than their body their physical nature. I have instinctively known to look for a karmic relationship as opposed to just a physical encounter. I didn’t know this at the time I just thought there was something wrong with me. That maybe I wasn’t a sexual creature. That maybe I was a prude. Always spinning towards the negative because I didn’t fit in to the collective norm. So I decided to hell with it I’m just going to be promiscuous. Not in a one night stand kind of way. More in an I don’t care if a relationship evolves out of this I would just really like to feel connected, touched and embraced by someone else for a few minutes. I like to call this the year of the Ho! And it was short-lived. I found that lifestyle not to be fulfilling in any way shape or form. Ironically this is the year I met someone extremely important in my life, my Twin Flame. The website I met him on is called Tinder. Their logo is a flame. Love this synchronicity.

The importance of a Twin Flame is to wake you up so that you remember your Divinity. And to bring forward unconditional love. I am humbled to say it worked!

We made our initial connection March 2014. We had amazing texting communication. And when we were about to meet in person, we were arriving at about the same time and he texted me… “we’re about to collide”! I think he should give his intuition some credit.

After a really nice first date I was shocked to know that he just wanted to be friends. I was cool with that because I really appreciated the connection we had made. A bit sad because it’s rare to find a single man who you were connected to in so many facets. “Just friends” didn’t last long there is a magnetic pull between us that was/is incredibly hard to deny. But neither of us were ready for this kind of relationship. This relationship is the ultimate mirror to your soul. When you’re in their presence it brings up past/current life pain and/or fears. This is the ultimate relationship. And you must heal all of these raw/fearful/broken places before you can be together in harmony. Not to imply that you cannot do this work together…however it’s a bit scary to grasp…especially if you try to relate using your mind. Being consciously aware of the emotions that surface, realizing they are releasing can create madness if you’re unaware of the relationships intended purpose. Also there’s this whole vibrational balancing act to contend with. WOW!!!! This is legit…I faced many aspects of my ego. Purging and taming the Ego is crucial to emotional freedom. And detachment is key!

Of course writing this after-the-fact is much easier then it was experiencing all of it. We did the on and off dating thing for a few months. There was a deep underlying sense of caring and friendship and some very deep spiritual sharing as well, but it was mostly raw and sexually mind blowing. Very hard to let go of a piece of yourself that you’ve just uncovered and have been searching for for so long. Thinking he is the keyholder to that and that there’s really no sense in having sex ever again if it’s not with him…lol! I don’t mean to get nasty here but this is what we are all meant to experience. I was just given a taste of it so that I would be inspired to do the work. Lol! The transparent dangling carrot. And it has been worth every moment.
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In October 2014 the weekend of the blood moon… He shared with me that he had surprisingly met somebody and they were in a relationship. I had been realizing the beginning signs of my intuition and somehow I had known that he was dating someone he already knew. A subtle message (like from a dream) I had received but kind of blew off. Because our relationship never seem to go beyond friendship and deeply respectful casual sex…was I surprised when I hit my knees in a puddle of weepy tears. Broken hearted and in surrender to that thing that is bigger than us, that thing that is all knowing…The source of love! I like to call GUS (God, Universe, Source). Which is exactly where it wanted me! This is where we listen when we realize that we don’t know anything at all. From that blood moon to the next, I released past life pain and suffering, current life pain and suffering and residual karma. Along with old outdated paradigms. I had a few other connections with this fabulous person. Always enjoyable and intense. Always leaving me with something to reflect on and heal. Which is completely the purpose of this connection. I got knocked down emotionally and physically at different times and I would stand up stronger after each episode. Always turning the experiences inward so that I could do my work. This man single-handedly awakened my soul.

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I have tales of cosmic lore and ancient love stories. A past life pain that kept me from embracing him in the first place. Apparently we were important spiritual leaders in some sort of Mayan culture and were speaking out about love and kindness and unity and someone near us did not agree with our message. We were incarcerated together. They came and got him and killed him and left me there to rot. Crying myself to death. I share this because when this was revealed to me I felt it in my soul. A steady flow of tears. It was the reason I would always be fearful of embracing him truly. Because the pain of losing him before was so great that I dare not suffer that loss again. I saw him not too long ago and I feel like it brought this pain of loss to the surface one final time. For 48 hours I mourned his death… It seemed like I had lost hope. I had never before experienced emotional pain like this pain. I became the observer. I remember saying to myself “WOW! That is what this feels like. This hurts A LOT!” Kind of like I was reporting to headquarters my emotional status. Once I became aware I started using my tools… Asking for help from any available higher source! Asking to release this pain!

This is the beauty of awakening. When you are aware that you are suffering and releasing you do not need to embrace it you can experience the pain feel the emotions as they flow through you and then let them pass. So often we get trapped in the suffering part and forget to step out of it.

So far the craziest part of this journey is that this man just looks at me like I’m some girl he dated. He has given me the gift of freedom, liberation and awakening. He has uncovered unconditional love From my soul. He has won my heart and we haven’t even begun our journey in this life yet. I pray to do the same for him. To awaken him to his freedom and purpose. We are all here for greatness. We just need to reach for it.

The irony is when I wrote the first wake up you have work to do letter I didn’t quite realize that I also had lots to do. So often I have said “I’m great”, “I’m fine”, “I’m healthy and healed”. And then…BAM!!!! Not so much! Now I just say I’m continually moving forward to a place of serenity, peace and surrender. Seeking guidance and clarity and direction every second. Being present and allowing it to unfold. That is all we have… And all we need to do.

WAKE UP!!! You have work to do too!

Wake up!!! You have work to do!

This is a long one… have a seat and a cocktail! ;D. This is me being Brave! (A song from my favorite songstress…The universe Perfectly speaking to me through song.)

And then there was Mr. “I’m in wayyyyy over my head”! I really didn’t see this one coming. I remember so vividly walking into his home and recognizing something familiar and comfortable …something that fit like a puzzle piece that I didn’t realize was missing.

He is an artist…a painter…and something about his soul displayed on the canvases in the room captured me. Something that I could not fathom…timeless and from another lifetime. A moment I recall so completely that changed my course. I knew I was in trouble.

The irony is that there is so much to be gained from this relationship and most of it from pain and suffering at the moment. Ha! Not anything I can’t handle. And none of it intentional…just organically so. He is not the reason for my suffering he just shows me where I hold attachment. And that is a gift.

In a way I see into this mans soul…from the very first time we were alone together. I don’t mean intimately…I mean alone in his presence without distractions. I see him for who he is …A king who has amnesia…and not where he is…struggling to find his footing in some sort of a fog.

His grin. When he tilts his head and pushes his hair backward and slightly upward at the same time…it’s like I’ve seen him do that a thousand times. The tenderness in his gestures and the kindness that exudes from his pores. The compassion and depth of his heart. His strength of character and integrity with a certain humility. Not to mention he happens to be a FOX in a SEXY AS HELL form. Yes PLEASE and THANK YOU!

So this is where it becomes sticky. Because I see him whole and complete (healed)…I make certain allowances for behaviors that might seem disrespectful… things that may make me seem like a pushover or a doormat to some people. Not intentionally disrespectful from my point of view. There was a deep respect between us just a very casual intimate, unusually intimate sharing for two people who were not dating of in regular contact. The most literal arrangement of friend with benefits, mutually agreed upon and how our relationship was destined to begin.
I had a very deep knowing about him, something unexplainable.
There seems to be a razor sharp edge to balance on (i’m sure this is a mixture of childhood/relationship/Empath junk). Wanting to allow people to move about and have the experiences they need for their soul to unfold…but needing to have boundaries of my own at the same time. I am more interested in breaking barriers than setting boundaries. I feel the importance of this relationship in a big way. BUT IT’S NOT TIME!!

Have you ever heard that …”when you’re buying a new car you always have to be willing to walk away”…if it’s not the right deal for you…No matter how much you want it… If it’s not time…you have to be willing to walk away. Do you have any idea how hard it is to walk away…when all you want to do is jump in, speed away and have fun. But this is the mother load of payoffs!!!!!

Currently this is where I am in this relationship. Having faith! In that thing, that is bigger than us…that absolutely this man and I align at some point in our life. Because I deserve it…and so does he.

There has recently come to my attention some information that in an esoteric/cosmic way describes what I’m experiencing…and it is not lunacy. It’s called a Twin Flame!!? Google it! It’s magical (you’ll notice I love this word). Here is another reference…Twin Flame. And it may seem like it’s not fair!!! Shouldn’t everyone find their twin flame??!? Well…it seems painful as hell sometimes. I actually hear his heartbeat. SERIOUSLY!!! I’m actually hearing it now as I write this. I haven’t quite figured out why it’s necessary…or helpful …but it is somewhat torturous when they are not in your life. Definitely manageable and noticeably painful… Like something is missing. This relationship is supposed to be the embodiment of yin and yang. When looking at the symbol perhaps this explains the heartbeat…the connection. After some time thinking about this I have to redefine this as magical… Torturous is such a human, negative, suffering kind of word. When the fact that I am so connected to a human being that I can hear/feel his heartbeat from anywhere is pretty amazing. Needing or wanting to possess it for my own is selfish but has a pull that is hard to deny. This is where I find balance.

Not being able to attach to something so rare…to something that feels so perfectly organic. Ouch!
This is supposedly the way of the Twin Flame. It almost seems necessary for one of them to recognize it sooner than the other to create a certain dynamic for both of them. It involves a certain healing and clearing of emotional and karmic junk. There is a whole “scenario” called the runner and the chaser. There seems to be a Twin Flame blueprint and I’m following it effortlessly. I suppose what I recognize the most is that it begins a huge spiritual growth spurt. Like a catalyst. A spark is ignited and the journey begins.

I happen to have a very authentic psychic/medium in my pocket of friends. She came into my life at the perfect moment… When I was ready. To help me with my spiritual journey, and so much more. She is a treasure! Through one reading, a healing session and other opportunities for sharing…she has revealed or rather reinforced/clarified my intuitions. She has shared that this man and I are spiritually aligned. That we have lived many soul lives together. That any relationship we have will be the very best. If we are friends, lovers or partners. Together we are capable of many great things from what ever path we choose.

Somehow…I’ve known this from the beginning. Being around him makes me extremely passionate. I want to write books and feel inspired to some mission. Peaceful, positive, alive and ready!

A little Side-note here—-possibly TMI but I must share!!!!

Can you imagine being sexually intimate with the a person who “literally” speaks to your soul. The amount of trust I share with him is uncanny… there is some sort of telepathy happening.
I’m having this amazing physical experience with him every time…but he doesn’t feel it at the same level…however, he does recognize my cosmic enjoyment. He’s a man and of course he is enjoying himself but he just thinks I am spiritually in touch and having 20 orgasms (every time)…”IS JUST HOW I ROLL”! Be jealous ladies…be very jealous! And I’m supposed to walk away from this?!?!?! NO WAY!!!! An unexplainable magnetic force. Like a bubble you enter into and you come out… REBORN!

“I’ve come to a knowing, that my body is for you and yours for me. We are meant to offer each other our wildest desires and pleasures. What I give to you I receive what I take for myself you receive. A constant moving giving and receiving, always fluid and in balance. I embrace “us” we are magic.” (~me written later…inspiration seems to pour out from time to time.)

From what I know about suffering… It has intention! it is a pointer to things that we need to address within. We have been experiencing an on and off again relationship for one year. We connected on St. Patrick’s Day 2014 (which is significantly lucky for me). Via Tinder (a dating app)…
Tinder- 1 :a very flammable substance adaptable for use as kindling 2 :something that serves to incite or inflame
…coincidentally their logo is a flame. HA! Don’t think I haven’t considered the thought of the universe inspiring a dating app to bring twin flames together…love it. Every time it is felt like an extreme high low situation…I like envisioning the flicker of a flame…from low to high. I understand why now…as much as that is possible!

“Pain by itself is merely pain, but the experience of pain coupled with an understanding that the pain serves a worthy purpose is suffering. Suffering can be in endured because there is a reason for it that is worth the effort. What is more worthy of your pain then the evolution of your soul?” Gary Zukav (one of my favorite cats.)

Another interesting fact about this relationship is that our souls seem to speak to each other even out loud. I have said things to this man that I would never say to a man who appears emotionally unavailable. For instance, just a few weeks after meeting… I asked, “why are you resisting me”. “You will never lose me”! And, “I want to shake you and bring you with me but you have to do the work yourself.” Seriously?!?! You just don’t say that to a man that is feral and skittish. And “Wake up… You have work to do”. That one was based around a late night rendezvous…not meant spiritually at all… Or was it? So many things he has said to me always seem cryptic… like coded messages. The more I uncover the more they seem like clues. Things our souls
(consciousness) will allow us to speak out loud but our minds are not ready to hear or process. Can you imagine the intensity of meeting your other half. What is happening?!?? WOW! Unbelievable!? And in contemplating this I am still in awe.

“The soul has been given its own ears to hear things The mind does not understand.” Rumi

Several times during our iterations and usually through text…he would ask if “I were brave?”… And I’m thinking that’s kind of a weird thing to ask…lol! I am a very curious person… I tend to not judge what I hear but try to understand what is behind the words…the intention. And I AM BRAVE!!! I am not always good at speaking my mind…too busy processing information apparently. But I am up to the task. How can I not be!?!? I must say with hindsight I was mesmerized in his presence. Dazed and completely off-balance and yet so peaceful and comfortable… I was home. This is more than mere mortals are accustomed to experiencing, so no wonder I was feeling enchanted!

(more inspired writing later during my experience) Seriously proud of some of this…hard to believe its coming from me. So odd to…in a way sense or feel words coming from some sacred place inside of you.

When I am in your presence I can put no demands on you. I stand in awe of your unfolding. I am enamored by your soul. When I am in your presence all the questions of the universe are answered. When I am in your presence I need seek no further… Because I am found in you.”

He was constantly asking me “What do you want?” This was never really literal or specific… More intimate with deeper undertones. Tapping into…”are you brave (personal insight to Brave song from above)enough to ask for what you want, desire and deserve!?”. If there is a place where I get stuck… It is here. He tapped into the core of my weakness… but delicately and for purposes in which I am certain were not with intention… But perhaps guidance. Again this is not an intimate thing this is possibly my character flaw…And seeing it clearly helps me overcome it. Another gift. He has shared so many pieces of the puzzle with me and it was all organic and not from a place of doing but from being. Magical! When he tells me something…it resonates with me in a way that makes connection between mind, body and soul. Kind of like connecting wires.

So far every experience I have had is leading me towards something profound… Like Slumdog Millionaire… It is written!

I have so many other things that contribute to the facets of this…MAGIC… But it all just becomes redundant.

I often use a line from The Princess Bride (a classic film) when responding to him. “As you wish!” I am not certain he gets it… I’m hoping he does… I think I’m quite clever. ;D. The law of attraction is personified in me when it comes to him. All he has to do is ask. I do not mean that I do not have free will and that I cannot or would not choose my own best interest. And not from some weird effort to please. It’s at a cosmic level. When we are aligned and in a healthy place all we have to do is ask and it will be possible. As friends, lovers or partners.

So where it is now? I will let the powers that be work it out. I have faith that he is being guided to his own place of healing and clearing of emotional and karmic junk. He is not broken…He is becoming whole. When he is ready to build something fun, profound, rich and magical…I hope with all of my heart that he reaches out for me. I would dig a chance to see what kind of stuff we could accomplish together. Maybe nothing happens or maybe everything happens!? I’m not usually sentimental so this is new to me and impossible to deny. I don’t know quite how to share it with him without scaring the hell out of him. I know him though… And he is BRAVE as well. He is A Warrior if light!

I will continue to move forward and let it be what it will be. I am open to the flow of life and to any relationship that I am drawn to. I am happy and loving life…I hope this post doesn’t imply a sadness. I’m just in awe of the possibilities! My struggle now is balancing a friendship. I vow and think I have no other option than to have unconditional love for this person… And by that I mean…I will offer a continual flow of love whether I see him again or not…wherever he is and whatever he chooses in his life he will always feel a steady flow of love and acceptance from my direction… This does not have to come from a place of romance… Of male and female…agape! Attachment is my own personal struggle …and by healing that in myself I heal it for others…Because I am forging a path. I learn and grow from all experiences. If nothing ever comes of this…the lessons I have learned, any awarenesses I have discovered or any gifts I have received are priceless. I am happy to have lived every moment.

Stay tuned…

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