So this is my side of the story from to my previous post… Wake up! You have work to do.
I’ll begin this one with my metamorphosis in an 18 month time span. With a starter moon in April 2014 and then a Blood moon 2014 to a Blood moon 2015. Wrapping it up around the winter solstice of 2015. Mind you I never thought I would be aware of the cycles of the moon . I have always been drawn to her luminescence and mystery but never thought I would feel the intensity in her expression.
From Disco (this is just what I call dancing), high heels and martinis to energy work, past lives and meditations. It’s been quite the journey and I’ve hardly been more than 30 miles from my home. If I had been dating someone at this point they would want their money back, the transition has been miraculous to say the least. Not to imply that I was “less than” before…all my experiences have been perfect and necessary.
Briefly let’s begin with…it was all about a boy. I’ve been divorced for a little over a decade and I’ve been in search of love. I was looking for a new kind of love. From what I had experienced before, love seemed to come from fear and control. I wanted something different and new so I intended to reach higher. Wasn’t really sure I knew what I was looking for but I knew I would know it when I saw it. Trouble is, I saw it but wasn’t prepared for it. The experience I have had is profound… Profoundly magical.
After a decade of dating and never quite finding what I was looking for. Feeling lost and like I would never be able to play “the game of love”. But, funny how when you start to give up it’s a form of surrender. Not giving up in the sense of being resigned more giving up in the sense of giving in. A ” Jesus take the wheel ” kind of surrender…because I’m really fucking this up. When you open the door to this process..this is where you start to begin a new path. I created an opening for something new. In a sense I reached for a higher unknown outcome for a greater experience. I decided to sign up on a new dating website. ONE MORE TIME. I signed up with no agenda and no desire to control the outcome.
Not my proudest moment’s on this particular website. I hesitate to use the word I’ve “struggled”, with my sexuality over my lifespan. I would also say I’m very attracted to a person’s intelligence or more their soul than their body their physical nature. I have instinctively known to look for a karmic relationship as opposed to just a physical encounter. I didn’t know this at the time I just thought there was something wrong with me. That maybe I wasn’t a sexual creature. That maybe I was a prude. Always spinning towards the negative because I didn’t fit in to the collective norm. So I decided to hell with it I’m just going to be promiscuous. Not in a one night stand kind of way. More in an I don’t care if a relationship evolves out of this I would just really like to feel connected, touched and embraced by someone else for a few minutes. I like to call this the year of the Ho! And it was short-lived. I found that lifestyle not to be fulfilling in any way shape or form. Ironically this is the year I met someone extremely important in my life, my Twin Flame. The website I met him on is called Tinder. Their logo is a flame. Love this synchronicity.
The importance of a Twin Flame is to wake you up so that you remember your Divinity. And to bring forward unconditional love. I am humbled to say it worked!
We made our initial connection March 2014. We had amazing texting communication. And when we were about to meet in person, we were arriving at about the same time and he texted me… “we’re about to collide”! I think he should give his intuition some credit.
After a really nice first date I was shocked to know that he just wanted to be friends. I was cool with that because I really appreciated the connection we had made. A bit sad because it’s rare to find a single man who you were connected to in so many facets. “Just friends” didn’t last long there is a magnetic pull between us that was/is incredibly hard to deny. But neither of us were ready for this kind of relationship. This relationship is the ultimate mirror to your soul. When you’re in their presence it brings up past/current life pain and/or fears. This is the ultimate relationship. And you must heal all of these raw/fearful/broken places before you can be together in harmony. Not to imply that you cannot do this work together…however it’s a bit scary to grasp…especially if you try to relate using your mind. Being consciously aware of the emotions that surface, realizing they are releasing can create madness if you’re unaware of the relationships intended purpose. Also there’s this whole vibrational balancing act to contend with. WOW!!!! This is legit…I faced many aspects of my ego. Purging and taming the Ego is crucial to emotional freedom. And detachment is key!
Of course writing this after-the-fact is much easier then it was experiencing all of it. We did the on and off dating thing for a few months. There was a deep underlying sense of caring and friendship and some very deep spiritual sharing as well, but it was mostly raw and sexually mind blowing. Very hard to let go of a piece of yourself that you’ve just uncovered and have been searching for for so long. Thinking he is the keyholder to that and that there’s really no sense in having sex ever again if it’s not with him…lol! I don’t mean to get nasty here but this is what we are all meant to experience. I was just given a taste of it so that I would be inspired to do the work. Lol! The transparent dangling carrot. And it has been worth every moment.
In October 2014 the weekend of the blood moon… He shared with me that he had surprisingly met somebody and they were in a relationship. I had been realizing the beginning signs of my intuition and somehow I had known that he was dating someone he already knew. A subtle message (like from a dream) I had received but kind of blew off. Because our relationship never seem to go beyond friendship and deeply respectful casual sex…was I surprised when I hit my knees in a puddle of weepy tears. Broken hearted and in surrender to that thing that is bigger than us, that thing that is all knowing…The source of love! I like to call GUS (God, Universe, Source). Which is exactly where it wanted me! This is where we listen when we realize that we don’t know anything at all. From that blood moon to the next, I released past life pain and suffering, current life pain and suffering and residual karma. Along with old outdated paradigms. I had a few other connections with this fabulous person. Always enjoyable and intense. Always leaving me with something to reflect on and heal. Which is completely the purpose of this connection. I got knocked down emotionally and physically at different times and I would stand up stronger after each episode. Always turning the experiences inward so that I could do my work. This man single-handedly awakened my soul.
I have tales of cosmic lore and ancient love stories. A past life pain that kept me from embracing him in the first place. Apparently we were important spiritual leaders in some sort of Mayan culture and were speaking out about love and kindness and unity and someone near us did not agree with our message. We were incarcerated together. They came and got him and killed him and left me there to rot. Crying myself to death. I share this because when this was revealed to me I felt it in my soul. A steady flow of tears. It was the reason I would always be fearful of embracing him truly. Because the pain of losing him before was so great that I dare not suffer that loss again. I saw him not too long ago and I feel like it brought this pain of loss to the surface one final time. For 48 hours I mourned his death… It seemed like I had lost hope. I had never before experienced emotional pain like this pain. I became the observer. I remember saying to myself “WOW! That is what this feels like. This hurts A LOT!” Kind of like I was reporting to headquarters my emotional status. Once I became aware I started using my tools… Asking for help from any available higher source! Asking to release this pain!
This is the beauty of awakening. When you are aware that you are suffering and releasing you do not need to embrace it you can experience the pain feel the emotions as they flow through you and then let them pass. So often we get trapped in the suffering part and forget to step out of it.
So far the craziest part of this journey is that this man just looks at me like I’m some girl he dated. He has given me the gift of freedom, liberation and awakening. He has uncovered unconditional love From my soul. He has won my heart and we haven’t even begun our journey in this life yet. I pray to do the same for him. To awaken him to his freedom and purpose. We are all here for greatness. We just need to reach for it.
The irony is when I wrote the first wake up you have work to do letter I didn’t quite realize that I also had lots to do. So often I have said “I’m great”, “I’m fine”, “I’m healthy and healed”. And then…BAM!!!! Not so much! Now I just say I’m continually moving forward to a place of serenity, peace and surrender. Seeking guidance and clarity and direction every second. Being present and allowing it to unfold. That is all we have… And all we need to do.
WAKE UP!!! You have work to do too!