There is a New Moon today so its a time of powerful manifesting 1/18/2018. The numbers are strong for today’s intention. I have read the 8 is the most balanced number and it is the great karmic equalizer. Also, 2018 is said to be an 11(2+0+1+8=11) year, a Master Year, I could definitely use a year of Mastery after the last two years. So with all the power and energy of the number 1 magnified again by doubling it to 11 I release the past and call in a completely New Beginning. I have healed and healed and healed some more. I move forward with treasures and surrender the rest to the Universe. I call in romance, friendship, partnership, sacred sexuality, love, empowerment, creativity, joy, bliss, simplicity, and harmony.
There is a person close to my heart that I have desired a relationship with in the past that has eluded me. I reached out one more time today to see if perhaps there was a new opening. There was not response…I might actually be blocked but I am kind of proud of that in a way because I have been such a rule follower and afraid to do the wrong thing in life and if I did something wrong in this relationship so be it…it took action for my owen heart. In the past he had been in another relationship and I would reach out from time to time as friend meaning not disrespect for that relationship just in honor of my heart felt desire to touch base. I see now that it was not my place at this particular time to seek engagement. So with him and the relationship he may be in I offer ho’oponopono, I meant no disrespect and harm to the love and connection they share.
I now set this person free for I love him dearly and desire his true happiness. I set my self free from thinking I must grasp and seek love. Loving unconditionally is only part of it…expressing unconditionally is the other part. In the past I held on to something that was not presented to me, was not offered to me. I was not invited to build or create relationship with this person it was something that I was grasping at. I see now that as much as I was desiring this relationship it was not available to me. I was chasing and responding to a dream not the current reality. I am beginning to grasp how law of attraction really works. I am beginning to find my footing. I am beginning to be fully present and grounded in this reality, in this moment. Its asking for it and then letting it go, not choosing the person and running after them. Its trusting the I will receive the love I deserve and if it is not currently in my life, its on its way. Setting if free. Letting it manifest in the right time, if it is meant to be it will be. I had lost trust in myself and in GUSS, thinking that I had do everything right in order to receive such a gift, the gift of divine Love.
The other side of this coin is that in the past I held such remorse for never sharing my true feelings. Sure, I wrote him an 8 page hand written letter that probably made me sound insane. Unsure of how it was received by the him. Did he receive it like a love letter, like the rantings of a stalker or mad woman, or just unwanted and uncomfortable gestures of affection. We never spoke of it and in fact later he told me he shredded it. I’m pretty sure I punched him although a part of me thinks there is no way he did that. Many times after “the letter” I found myself in his presence, enchanted and paralyzed. Because of my own fears of rejection I did not speak my heart, perhaps I even withheld it for I knew it might shatter me if it was not accepted. I endured great pain at the thought of this being the reason I was not invited into this persons life as a friend or partner, always seemingly on the outskirts of his experience and/or his heart. Because I was not brave enough. There has been no greater pain (and the tears flow now even as I type this) than not sharing my heart with him, deep remorse. I am not even sure there was ever a desire or an opening on his part, we never really spoke about it. I just know I would go back a thousand times and speak my truth, not matter the outcome. Rejection is not my greatest fear, its not creating the opening, not being brave enough to ask for a shot at sharing an adventure together. This has been a hard learned lesson and the next time I am presented with an opportunity to share any part of my heart I will not hold back. This goes with my family, friends, acquaintances and any romantic love interest that presents itself.
I have released this pain, this lesson…I have however kept the nugget. That I deserve love for just being here, for existing. Because I was created from Source energy I am loved because I am LOVE. I do not need to look outside of my self any longer. I know that in this particular relationship that it is all about self love. I have learned to love myself truly, deeply and passionately. Love all ways. I am now ready to share and receive because I am whole. I can share my heart because it is overflowing. I hold no fear of rejection because I accept myself, body, mind and spirit and I ready to receive with a wide open heart. I am Love and so it is that I attract LOVE.
So…the Ending is letting go. Prying my fingers loose and letting the Universe bring me what it will. Ending my expectation, my control and desire to manage, because its more fun to just be surprised and enjoy the ride. To listen to my heart and respond in kind from this day forward. An ending of my old fearful patterns and the beginning of a heart inspired future. And you can bet money that the next time I get to spend time with this gorgeous soul I will inquire about the true status of that letter.