Category Archives: Dating Shrew

Adventures being single

Remember that time I stalked you!

After my last post I had a bit of an epiphany that helped me see that relationship with more clarity, more humor. On this Twin Flame path you must have laughter to survive it can be a total mindfuck! Because your energy is their energy and vice versa, if you crucify yourself for your actions they will crucify you as well. If you laugh and love your self so will they. The mirror is a perfectly clear one. One day we might look upon this with a different lens, at the comedy of it. And you do know how much comedy and tragedy enjoy to play. It will go a little like this…Remember that time I was stalking you!?!?! Do yo know how they say love isn’t just going to come an knock on your door! Well it did…and thats what I was thinking when I did it. “I am here, I have all of this love for you and I have been so scared to tell you about it. Finally I have climbed these steps which seem like mountains and I am here standing at the top of this hill (porch) ready to share my body mind and soul. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK..Let me in so I can love you…LOL!” And in you eyes you were probably thinking,”what the actual fuck?!?!? Why is this girl I had sex with SEVERAL times and had amazing moments of emotional and spiritual intimacy with stalking me”. And you were actually scared of me and thinking I was a lunatic! Unconditional love actually came to your door and sent you a letter and you said…NAH…Im good! That is how deeply distorted things were back then. Or maybe it wasn’t that way at all maybe you saw how brave I was to go after what I wanted…brave and fearless. Brave to carry out such a grand gesture. Who knows…I look forward one day to knowing exactly how it showed up to him. I have a great deal of clarity. However, clarity and knowing with out anothers acceptance…well its a little like stalking…stalking with love.

Endings Bring New Beginnings

There is a New Moon today so its a time of powerful manifesting 1/18/2018. The numbers are strong for today’s intention. I have read the 8 is the most balanced number and it is the great karmic equalizer. Also, 2018 is said to be an 11(2+0+1+8=11) year, a Master Year, I could definitely use a year of Mastery after the last two years. So with all the power and energy of the number 1 magnified again by doubling it to 11 I release the past and call in a completely New Beginning. I have healed and healed and healed some more. I move forward with treasures and surrender the rest to the Universe. I call in romance, friendship, partnership, sacred sexuality, love, empowerment, creativity, joy, bliss, simplicity, and harmony.

There is a person close to my heart that I have desired a relationship with in the past that has eluded me. I reached out one more time today to see if perhaps there was a new opening. There was not response…I might actually be blocked but I am kind of proud of that in a way because I have been such a rule follower and afraid to do the wrong thing in life and if I did something wrong in this relationship so be it…it took action for my owen heart. In the past he had been in another relationship and I would reach out from time to time as friend meaning not disrespect for that relationship just in honor of my heart felt desire to touch base. I see now that it was not my place at this particular time to seek engagement. So with him and the relationship he may be in I offer ho’oponopono, I meant no disrespect and harm to the love and connection they share.

I now set this person free for I love him dearly and desire his true happiness. I set my self free from thinking I must grasp and seek love. Loving unconditionally is only part of it…expressing unconditionally is the other part. In the past I held on to something that was not presented to me, was not offered to me. I was not invited to build or create relationship with this person it was something that I was grasping at. I see now that as much as I was desiring this relationship it was not available to me. I was chasing and responding to a dream not the current reality. I am beginning to grasp how law of attraction really works. I am beginning to find my footing. I am beginning to be fully present and grounded in this reality, in this moment. Its asking for it and then letting it go, not choosing the person and running after them. Its trusting the I will receive the love I deserve and if it is not currently in my life, its on its way. Setting if free. Letting it manifest in the right time, if it is meant to be it will be. I had lost trust in myself and in GUSS, thinking that I had do everything right in order to receive such a gift, the gift of divine Love.

The other side of this coin is that in the past I held such remorse for never sharing my true feelings. Sure, I wrote him an 8 page hand written letter that probably made me sound insane. Unsure of how it was received by the him. Did he receive it like a love letter, like the rantings of a stalker or mad woman, or just unwanted and uncomfortable gestures of affection. We never spoke of it and in fact later he told me he shredded it. I’m pretty sure I punched him although a part of me thinks there is no way he did that. Many times after “the letter” I found myself in his presence, enchanted and paralyzed. Because of my own fears of rejection I did not speak my heart, perhaps I even withheld it for I knew it might shatter me if it was not accepted. I endured great pain at the thought of this being the reason I was not invited into this persons life as a friend or partner, always seemingly on the outskirts of his experience and/or his heart. Because I was not brave enough. There has been no greater pain (and the tears flow now even as I type this) than not sharing my heart with him, deep remorse. I am not even sure there was ever a desire or an opening on his part, we never really spoke about it. I just know I would go back a thousand times and speak my truth, not matter the outcome. Rejection is not my greatest fear, its not creating the opening, not being brave enough to ask for a shot at sharing an adventure together. This has been a hard learned lesson and the next time I am presented with an opportunity to share any part of my heart I will not hold back. This goes with my family, friends, acquaintances and any romantic love interest that presents itself.

I have released this pain, this lesson…I have however kept the nugget. That I deserve love for just being here, for existing. Because I was created from Source energy I am loved because I am LOVE. I do not need to look outside of my self any longer. I know that in this particular relationship that it is all about self love. I have learned to love myself truly, deeply and passionately. Love all ways. I am now ready to share and receive because I am whole. I can share my heart because it is overflowing. I hold no fear of rejection because I accept myself, body, mind and spirit and I ready to receive with a wide open heart. I am Love and so it is that I attract LOVE.

So…the Ending is letting go. Prying my fingers loose and letting the Universe bring me what it will. Ending my expectation, my control and desire to manage, because its more fun to just be surprised and enjoy the ride. To listen to my heart and respond in kind from this day forward. An ending of my old fearful patterns and the beginning of a heart inspired future. And you can bet money that the next time I get to spend time with this gorgeous soul I will inquire about the true status of that letter.

Goddess in search of a Warrior

Dating…post Spiritual Awakening ;D Briefly to catch you up, I have spent literally the last 3 years waking up. Having my heart broken to open it, cleansing my body, emotions and energy fields, harnessing the powers of my sexuality, setting all of my fears free and uncovering my soul. Now that that’s done, I have shed the shrouds that have kept me from truly seeing myself in all of my splendor, needing to find someone else to tell me these things make me worthy is no longer a need. I Love everything about myself, including so many things that 3 years ago I thought were flaws are just magic. Turns out every judgement I had about myself are the things I love most now.

Romantic relationships are a changin’ and I am prepared but no waiting. I am no longer in need of a person to fill the holes in my life, heart or soul. I was not broken I was becoming whole. I no longer need a relationship for companionship, security, love and acceptance. I offer all of these things to myself. I have met my match and it is me. I am however in the market for a partner, a Warrior of Light. Someone interested in knowing themselves to the core and beyond. Someone to enjoy getting to know me, for a few hours, months, years or decades.

Holding out for a Hero…Bonnie Tyler

“Up where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I would swear that there’s someone somewhere
Watching me

Through the wind and the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood
I can feel his approach
Like the fire in my blood

I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ’til the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong
And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ’til the morning light”

I went on a date recently and I was curious as to what dating is like with my new found freedom and awareness. Normally I would start by wondering if this one was “the one”?! Being single for a decade can create some interesting dating habits…LOL! This time it was more of a journey about what I might discover about myself and what I might learn about this other soul. What can we reveal to each other? What might we have to offer each other? For a brief time of course, laughter, insight, companionship, respect and enjoyment of getting to know each other. In the past, after a margarita and a tequila shot I would be wanting to make out ;D and the current me was considering it as well. I used to put so much emphasis on the kiss and it would give me a sense of a desire to know more. I no longer believe this is my guiding point to starting a relationship. I also believe that men and women have so much to share with each other and sometimes the search for love not to mention physical intimacy gets in the way of getting to know each other.

I had an unprecedented conversation with a wonderful soul, 3 1/2 hours of fun and great conversation. There was not a kiss at the end of the evening and I was very comfortable with this choice. It was my choice I didn’t even for a second consider if it was his choice or not. I did not feel the need to decide the direction of this relationship at this moment in time. Even in a subtle way kissing is a sharing of energy of a simple intimacy and I was not in desire to open that door. So in short looks like awakened dating for me has a lot less making out and lot more appreciation of my masculine counterpart.

I will admit however to being a shameless flirt. After the date he texted me and said “I did want to kiss you!” and I replied, “I have that affect!;D” I forgot to mention that being a shameless flirt is one of the things I love most about myself and I can still maintain healthy boundaries.

My Warrior looks a bit like this…
==== He lives in the light with a strong sense of integrity and is unafraid to face his darkness
==== He leads with is Heart and through kindness because this where real and authentic power lives
==== He has an unwavering desire to know himself
==== He sees the Goddess in me and is humbled, liberated and empowered in my presence
==== He embraces Love and knows he is a Warrior deserving nothing less than a Goddess
==== He seeks his destiny and follows his path with a deep knowing that he has come to find and reveal Love in the world, in himself, in me, in everyone…and he will not stop until his mission is complete
==== He is humble and bold at the same time
==== He desires the same of his partner.

Does this seem like too much to ask!?!?!?! I think not!! I think a Warrior would ask nothing less from his Goddess than to hold him to these traits. I believe everyman has these traits if they are brave enough to uncover, reveal and claim them. I hold a place in my heart for this Warrior.
Love All Ways,

Love All Ways

Recently during a brief moment of lunacy (affected by the pull of the moon)…during a time of releasing, I decided to set any attachments to past male relationships free so that my heart can be completely free and clear.

To all the men I’ve loved, cared for and shared with…from moments, hours, days and years. I have received so much love, energy and growth, Thank you! I love you and release you. I appreciate the wisdom I received from our experience together. You have contributed greatly to the woman I am today.

There were brilliantly equal times of joy and pain creating many levels of emotional awareness. I appreciate any and all experiences that were shared, they were truly gifts.

Holding onto these experiences no longer serves me. I have allowed them to do what was needed and I now let go of all of the ties that bind. Forgiveness for any perceived suffering is not necessary, on my part or yours…for love stands forever in its place. And I realize we agreed to all of these experiences. We shook on it, gave a fist bump, a high 5 and had a laugh before we got here. So thank you for being a part of my journey…and allowing me to be a part of yours.

You have shaped and molded a Goddess. I applaud you. All of the times you shared or withheld…love, caring, tenderness, devotion, fear, vulnerability, energy, or intimacy. You have been instrumental in propelling me forward. You helped me define more clearly my hearts desires.

By writing these words I hereby release and dissolve all lingering bonds and connections that no longer serve me on my journey. I am humbled and gracious for all that you have shared with me. We are free.

As of now I am ready to receive new love with an open heart. Whole and healed.

To My Future Love, I know you are walking towards me I am ready for you…to share with me, speak with me, heal with me, grow with me, love with me forever… And I will graciously do the same.

Love All Ways,

Wake up! YOU have work to do too!

So this is my side of the story from to my previous post… Wake up! You have work to do.

I’ll begin this one with my metamorphosis in an 18 month time span. With a starter moon in April 2014 and then a Blood moon 2014 to a Blood moon 2015. Wrapping it up around the winter solstice of 2015. Mind you I never thought I would be aware of the cycles of the moon . I have always been drawn to her luminescence and mystery but never thought I would feel the intensity in her expression.

From Disco (this is just what I call dancing), high heels and martinis to energy work, past lives and meditations. It’s been quite the journey and I’ve hardly been more than 30 miles from my home. If I had been dating someone at this point they would want their money back, the transition has been miraculous to say the least. Not to imply that I was “less than” before…all my experiences have been perfect and necessary.

Briefly let’s begin with…it was all about a boy. I’ve been divorced for a little over a decade and I’ve been in search of love. I was looking for a new kind of love. From what I had experienced before, love seemed to come from fear and control. I wanted something different and new so I intended to reach higher. Wasn’t really sure I knew what I was looking for but I knew I would know it when I saw it. Trouble is, I saw it but wasn’t prepared for it. The experience I have had is profound… Profoundly magical.

After a decade of dating and never quite finding what I was looking for. Feeling lost and like I would never be able to play “the game of love”. But, funny how when you start to give up it’s a form of surrender. Not giving up in the sense of being resigned more giving up in the sense of giving in. A ” Jesus take the wheel ” kind of surrender…because I’m really fucking this up. When you open the door to this process..this is where you start to begin a new path. I created an opening for something new. In a sense I reached for a higher unknown outcome for a greater experience. I decided to sign up on a new dating website. ONE MORE TIME. I signed up with no agenda and no desire to control the outcome.

Not my proudest moment’s on this particular website. I hesitate to use the word I’ve “struggled”, with my sexuality over my lifespan. I would also say I’m very attracted to a person’s intelligence or more their soul than their body their physical nature. I have instinctively known to look for a karmic relationship as opposed to just a physical encounter. I didn’t know this at the time I just thought there was something wrong with me. That maybe I wasn’t a sexual creature. That maybe I was a prude. Always spinning towards the negative because I didn’t fit in to the collective norm. So I decided to hell with it I’m just going to be promiscuous. Not in a one night stand kind of way. More in an I don’t care if a relationship evolves out of this I would just really like to feel connected, touched and embraced by someone else for a few minutes. I like to call this the year of the Ho! And it was short-lived. I found that lifestyle not to be fulfilling in any way shape or form. Ironically this is the year I met someone extremely important in my life, my Twin Flame. The website I met him on is called Tinder. Their logo is a flame. Love this synchronicity.

The importance of a Twin Flame is to wake you up so that you remember your Divinity. And to bring forward unconditional love. I am humbled to say it worked!

We made our initial connection March 2014. We had amazing texting communication. And when we were about to meet in person, we were arriving at about the same time and he texted me… “we’re about to collide”! I think he should give his intuition some credit.

After a really nice first date I was shocked to know that he just wanted to be friends. I was cool with that because I really appreciated the connection we had made. A bit sad because it’s rare to find a single man who you were connected to in so many facets. “Just friends” didn’t last long there is a magnetic pull between us that was/is incredibly hard to deny. But neither of us were ready for this kind of relationship. This relationship is the ultimate mirror to your soul. When you’re in their presence it brings up past/current life pain and/or fears. This is the ultimate relationship. And you must heal all of these raw/fearful/broken places before you can be together in harmony. Not to imply that you cannot do this work together…however it’s a bit scary to grasp…especially if you try to relate using your mind. Being consciously aware of the emotions that surface, realizing they are releasing can create madness if you’re unaware of the relationships intended purpose. Also there’s this whole vibrational balancing act to contend with. WOW!!!! This is legit…I faced many aspects of my ego. Purging and taming the Ego is crucial to emotional freedom. And detachment is key!

Of course writing this after-the-fact is much easier then it was experiencing all of it. We did the on and off dating thing for a few months. There was a deep underlying sense of caring and friendship and some very deep spiritual sharing as well, but it was mostly raw and sexually mind blowing. Very hard to let go of a piece of yourself that you’ve just uncovered and have been searching for for so long. Thinking he is the keyholder to that and that there’s really no sense in having sex ever again if it’s not with him…lol! I don’t mean to get nasty here but this is what we are all meant to experience. I was just given a taste of it so that I would be inspired to do the work. Lol! The transparent dangling carrot. And it has been worth every moment.
In October 2014 the weekend of the blood moon… He shared with me that he had surprisingly met somebody and they were in a relationship. I had been realizing the beginning signs of my intuition and somehow I had known that he was dating someone he already knew. A subtle message (like from a dream) I had received but kind of blew off. Because our relationship never seem to go beyond friendship and deeply respectful casual sex…was I surprised when I hit my knees in a puddle of weepy tears. Broken hearted and in surrender to that thing that is bigger than us, that thing that is all knowing…The source of love! I like to call GUS (God, Universe, Source). Which is exactly where it wanted me! This is where we listen when we realize that we don’t know anything at all. From that blood moon to the next, I released past life pain and suffering, current life pain and suffering and residual karma. Along with old outdated paradigms. I had a few other connections with this fabulous person. Always enjoyable and intense. Always leaving me with something to reflect on and heal. Which is completely the purpose of this connection. I got knocked down emotionally and physically at different times and I would stand up stronger after each episode. Always turning the experiences inward so that I could do my work. This man single-handedly awakened my soul.


I have tales of cosmic lore and ancient love stories. A past life pain that kept me from embracing him in the first place. Apparently we were important spiritual leaders in some sort of Mayan culture and were speaking out about love and kindness and unity and someone near us did not agree with our message. We were incarcerated together. They came and got him and killed him and left me there to rot. Crying myself to death. I share this because when this was revealed to me I felt it in my soul. A steady flow of tears. It was the reason I would always be fearful of embracing him truly. Because the pain of losing him before was so great that I dare not suffer that loss again. I saw him not too long ago and I feel like it brought this pain of loss to the surface one final time. For 48 hours I mourned his death… It seemed like I had lost hope. I had never before experienced emotional pain like this pain. I became the observer. I remember saying to myself “WOW! That is what this feels like. This hurts A LOT!” Kind of like I was reporting to headquarters my emotional status. Once I became aware I started using my tools… Asking for help from any available higher source! Asking to release this pain!

This is the beauty of awakening. When you are aware that you are suffering and releasing you do not need to embrace it you can experience the pain feel the emotions as they flow through you and then let them pass. So often we get trapped in the suffering part and forget to step out of it.

So far the craziest part of this journey is that this man just looks at me like I’m some girl he dated. He has given me the gift of freedom, liberation and awakening. He has uncovered unconditional love From my soul. He has won my heart and we haven’t even begun our journey in this life yet. I pray to do the same for him. To awaken him to his freedom and purpose. We are all here for greatness. We just need to reach for it.

The irony is when I wrote the first wake up you have work to do letter I didn’t quite realize that I also had lots to do. So often I have said “I’m great”, “I’m fine”, “I’m healthy and healed”. And then…BAM!!!! Not so much! Now I just say I’m continually moving forward to a place of serenity, peace and surrender. Seeking guidance and clarity and direction every second. Being present and allowing it to unfold. That is all we have… And all we need to do.

WAKE UP!!! You have work to do too!

Wicked cool

It’s everywhere! Hints at my spiritual evolution. Awakening!

Not only when you start becoming aware of changes the lifting of layers/veils seem to reveal new hints. I’ve been saying for years that it is a time for men to become humbled and for women to rise up. I do not mean that one should be higher than the other. Just balanced and aligned. Yin and Yang. Holding their own power but with a respect for the other and their purpose. We have both used our power for good and evil…control. The pendulum has swung both ways. Now is the time for centering. Men have logical powers and strength. Women Have intuition and compassion. Now men are experiencing things women experience and vice versa. Wouldn’t it be phenomenal if we combine all of our strengths… Logical…intuitive…strength and compassion! Or that separately we become all of those things and more!?! WE by oueselves “be”come…Yin and Yang…total balance in fluid motion. What a world that would be!

No wizard that there is or was is ever going to bring me down. My all-time favorite musical Wicked.

From a female perspective! Defying Gravity-

(spoken) Elphaba – why couldn’t you have just stayed calm for once, instead of flying off the handle!
(sung) I hope you’re happy!
I hope you’re happy now
I hope you’re happy how you
Hurt your cause forever
I hope you think you’re clever!
I hope you’re happy
I hope you’re happy, too
I hope you’re proud how you
Would grovel in submission
To feed your own ambition
So though I can’t imagine how
I hope you’re happy right now
(spoken) Elphie, listen to me. Just say you’re sorry:
(sung) You can still be with the Wizard
What you’ve worked and waited for
You can have all you ever wanted:
(spoken) I know:
(sung) But I don’t want it –
No – I can’t want it
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I’m through with playing by the rules
Of someone else’s game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It’s time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap!
It’s time to try
Defying gravity
I think I’ll try
Defying gravity
And you can’t pull me down!
Can’t I make you understand?
You’re having delusions of grandeur:
I’m through accepting limits
’cause someone says they’re so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I’ll never know!
Too long I’ve been afraid of
Losing love I guess I’ve lost
Well, if that’s love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I’d sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I’m defying gravity
And you can’t pull me down:
(spoken) Glinda, come with me. Think of what we could
do, together.
(sung) Unlimited
Together we’re unlimited
Together we’ll be the greatest team
There’s ever been
Glinda –
Dreams, the way we planned ’em
If we work in tandem:
There’s no fight we cannot win
Just you and I
Defying gravity
With you and I
Defying gravity
They’ll never bring us down!
(spoken) Well? Are you coming?
I hope you’re happy
Now that you’re choosing this
(Spoken) You too
(Sung) I hope it brings you bliss
I really hope you get it
And you don’t live to regret it
I hope you’re happy in the end
I hope you’re happy, my friend:
So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately:
“Everyone deserves the chance to fly!”
And if I’m flying solo
At least I’m flying free
To those who’d ground me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I am
Defying gravity
I’m flying high
Defying gravity
And soon I’ll match them in renown!
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!
I hope you’re happy!
Look at her, she’s wicked!
Get her!
Bring me down!
No one mourns the wicked
So we’ve got to bring her

Wake up!!! You have work to do!

This is a long one… have a seat and a cocktail! ;D. This is me being Brave! (A song from my favorite songstress…The universe Perfectly speaking to me through song.)

And then there was Mr. “I’m in wayyyyy over my head”! I really didn’t see this one coming. I remember so vividly walking into his home and recognizing something familiar and comfortable …something that fit like a puzzle piece that I didn’t realize was missing.

He is an artist…a painter…and something about his soul displayed on the canvases in the room captured me. Something that I could not fathom…timeless and from another lifetime. A moment I recall so completely that changed my course. I knew I was in trouble.

The irony is that there is so much to be gained from this relationship and most of it from pain and suffering at the moment. Ha! Not anything I can’t handle. And none of it intentional…just organically so. He is not the reason for my suffering he just shows me where I hold attachment. And that is a gift.

In a way I see into this mans soul…from the very first time we were alone together. I don’t mean intimately…I mean alone in his presence without distractions. I see him for who he is …A king who has amnesia…and not where he is…struggling to find his footing in some sort of a fog.

His grin. When he tilts his head and pushes his hair backward and slightly upward at the same time…it’s like I’ve seen him do that a thousand times. The tenderness in his gestures and the kindness that exudes from his pores. The compassion and depth of his heart. His strength of character and integrity with a certain humility. Not to mention he happens to be a FOX in a SEXY AS HELL form. Yes PLEASE and THANK YOU!

So this is where it becomes sticky. Because I see him whole and complete (healed)…I make certain allowances for behaviors that might seem disrespectful… things that may make me seem like a pushover or a doormat to some people. Not intentionally disrespectful from my point of view. There was a deep respect between us just a very casual intimate, unusually intimate sharing for two people who were not dating of in regular contact. The most literal arrangement of friend with benefits, mutually agreed upon and how our relationship was destined to begin.
I had a very deep knowing about him, something unexplainable.
There seems to be a razor sharp edge to balance on (i’m sure this is a mixture of childhood/relationship/Empath junk). Wanting to allow people to move about and have the experiences they need for their soul to unfold…but needing to have boundaries of my own at the same time. I am more interested in breaking barriers than setting boundaries. I feel the importance of this relationship in a big way. BUT IT’S NOT TIME!!

Have you ever heard that …”when you’re buying a new car you always have to be willing to walk away”…if it’s not the right deal for you…No matter how much you want it… If it’s not time…you have to be willing to walk away. Do you have any idea how hard it is to walk away…when all you want to do is jump in, speed away and have fun. But this is the mother load of payoffs!!!!!

Currently this is where I am in this relationship. Having faith! In that thing, that is bigger than us…that absolutely this man and I align at some point in our life. Because I deserve it…and so does he.

There has recently come to my attention some information that in an esoteric/cosmic way describes what I’m experiencing…and it is not lunacy. It’s called a Twin Flame!!? Google it! It’s magical (you’ll notice I love this word). Here is another reference…Twin Flame. And it may seem like it’s not fair!!! Shouldn’t everyone find their twin flame??!? Well…it seems painful as hell sometimes. I actually hear his heartbeat. SERIOUSLY!!! I’m actually hearing it now as I write this. I haven’t quite figured out why it’s necessary…or helpful …but it is somewhat torturous when they are not in your life. Definitely manageable and noticeably painful… Like something is missing. This relationship is supposed to be the embodiment of yin and yang. When looking at the symbol perhaps this explains the heartbeat…the connection. After some time thinking about this I have to redefine this as magical… Torturous is such a human, negative, suffering kind of word. When the fact that I am so connected to a human being that I can hear/feel his heartbeat from anywhere is pretty amazing. Needing or wanting to possess it for my own is selfish but has a pull that is hard to deny. This is where I find balance.

Not being able to attach to something so rare…to something that feels so perfectly organic. Ouch!
This is supposedly the way of the Twin Flame. It almost seems necessary for one of them to recognize it sooner than the other to create a certain dynamic for both of them. It involves a certain healing and clearing of emotional and karmic junk. There is a whole “scenario” called the runner and the chaser. There seems to be a Twin Flame blueprint and I’m following it effortlessly. I suppose what I recognize the most is that it begins a huge spiritual growth spurt. Like a catalyst. A spark is ignited and the journey begins.

I happen to have a very authentic psychic/medium in my pocket of friends. She came into my life at the perfect moment… When I was ready. To help me with my spiritual journey, and so much more. She is a treasure! Through one reading, a healing session and other opportunities for sharing…she has revealed or rather reinforced/clarified my intuitions. She has shared that this man and I are spiritually aligned. That we have lived many soul lives together. That any relationship we have will be the very best. If we are friends, lovers or partners. Together we are capable of many great things from what ever path we choose.

Somehow…I’ve known this from the beginning. Being around him makes me extremely passionate. I want to write books and feel inspired to some mission. Peaceful, positive, alive and ready!

A little Side-note here—-possibly TMI but I must share!!!!

Can you imagine being sexually intimate with the a person who “literally” speaks to your soul. The amount of trust I share with him is uncanny… there is some sort of telepathy happening.
I’m having this amazing physical experience with him every time…but he doesn’t feel it at the same level…however, he does recognize my cosmic enjoyment. He’s a man and of course he is enjoying himself but he just thinks I am spiritually in touch and having 20 orgasms (every time)…”IS JUST HOW I ROLL”! Be jealous ladies…be very jealous! And I’m supposed to walk away from this?!?!?! NO WAY!!!! An unexplainable magnetic force. Like a bubble you enter into and you come out… REBORN!

“I’ve come to a knowing, that my body is for you and yours for me. We are meant to offer each other our wildest desires and pleasures. What I give to you I receive what I take for myself you receive. A constant moving giving and receiving, always fluid and in balance. I embrace “us” we are magic.” (~me written later…inspiration seems to pour out from time to time.)

From what I know about suffering… It has intention! it is a pointer to things that we need to address within. We have been experiencing an on and off again relationship for one year. We connected on St. Patrick’s Day 2014 (which is significantly lucky for me). Via Tinder (a dating app)…
Tinder- 1 :a very flammable substance adaptable for use as kindling 2 :something that serves to incite or inflame
…coincidentally their logo is a flame. HA! Don’t think I haven’t considered the thought of the universe inspiring a dating app to bring twin flames together…love it. Every time it is felt like an extreme high low situation…I like envisioning the flicker of a flame…from low to high. I understand why now…as much as that is possible!

“Pain by itself is merely pain, but the experience of pain coupled with an understanding that the pain serves a worthy purpose is suffering. Suffering can be in endured because there is a reason for it that is worth the effort. What is more worthy of your pain then the evolution of your soul?” Gary Zukav (one of my favorite cats.)

Another interesting fact about this relationship is that our souls seem to speak to each other even out loud. I have said things to this man that I would never say to a man who appears emotionally unavailable. For instance, just a few weeks after meeting… I asked, “why are you resisting me”. “You will never lose me”! And, “I want to shake you and bring you with me but you have to do the work yourself.” Seriously?!?! You just don’t say that to a man that is feral and skittish. And “Wake up… You have work to do”. That one was based around a late night rendezvous…not meant spiritually at all… Or was it? So many things he has said to me always seem cryptic… like coded messages. The more I uncover the more they seem like clues. Things our souls
(consciousness) will allow us to speak out loud but our minds are not ready to hear or process. Can you imagine the intensity of meeting your other half. What is happening?!?? WOW! Unbelievable!? And in contemplating this I am still in awe.

“The soul has been given its own ears to hear things The mind does not understand.” Rumi

Several times during our iterations and usually through text…he would ask if “I were brave?”… And I’m thinking that’s kind of a weird thing to ask…lol! I am a very curious person… I tend to not judge what I hear but try to understand what is behind the words…the intention. And I AM BRAVE!!! I am not always good at speaking my mind…too busy processing information apparently. But I am up to the task. How can I not be!?!? I must say with hindsight I was mesmerized in his presence. Dazed and completely off-balance and yet so peaceful and comfortable… I was home. This is more than mere mortals are accustomed to experiencing, so no wonder I was feeling enchanted!

(more inspired writing later during my experience) Seriously proud of some of this…hard to believe its coming from me. So odd to…in a way sense or feel words coming from some sacred place inside of you.

When I am in your presence I can put no demands on you. I stand in awe of your unfolding. I am enamored by your soul. When I am in your presence all the questions of the universe are answered. When I am in your presence I need seek no further… Because I am found in you.”

He was constantly asking me “What do you want?” This was never really literal or specific… More intimate with deeper undertones. Tapping into…”are you brave (personal insight to Brave song from above)enough to ask for what you want, desire and deserve!?”. If there is a place where I get stuck… It is here. He tapped into the core of my weakness… but delicately and for purposes in which I am certain were not with intention… But perhaps guidance. Again this is not an intimate thing this is possibly my character flaw…And seeing it clearly helps me overcome it. Another gift. He has shared so many pieces of the puzzle with me and it was all organic and not from a place of doing but from being. Magical! When he tells me something…it resonates with me in a way that makes connection between mind, body and soul. Kind of like connecting wires.

So far every experience I have had is leading me towards something profound… Like Slumdog Millionaire… It is written!

I have so many other things that contribute to the facets of this…MAGIC… But it all just becomes redundant.

I often use a line from The Princess Bride (a classic film) when responding to him. “As you wish!” I am not certain he gets it… I’m hoping he does… I think I’m quite clever. ;D. The law of attraction is personified in me when it comes to him. All he has to do is ask. I do not mean that I do not have free will and that I cannot or would not choose my own best interest. And not from some weird effort to please. It’s at a cosmic level. When we are aligned and in a healthy place all we have to do is ask and it will be possible. As friends, lovers or partners.

So where it is now? I will let the powers that be work it out. I have faith that he is being guided to his own place of healing and clearing of emotional and karmic junk. He is not broken…He is becoming whole. When he is ready to build something fun, profound, rich and magical…I hope with all of my heart that he reaches out for me. I would dig a chance to see what kind of stuff we could accomplish together. Maybe nothing happens or maybe everything happens!? I’m not usually sentimental so this is new to me and impossible to deny. I don’t know quite how to share it with him without scaring the hell out of him. I know him though… And he is BRAVE as well. He is A Warrior if light!

I will continue to move forward and let it be what it will be. I am open to the flow of life and to any relationship that I am drawn to. I am happy and loving life…I hope this post doesn’t imply a sadness. I’m just in awe of the possibilities! My struggle now is balancing a friendship. I vow and think I have no other option than to have unconditional love for this person… And by that I mean…I will offer a continual flow of love whether I see him again or not…wherever he is and whatever he chooses in his life he will always feel a steady flow of love and acceptance from my direction… This does not have to come from a place of romance… Of male and female…agape! Attachment is my own personal struggle …and by healing that in myself I heal it for others…Because I am forging a path. I learn and grow from all experiences. If nothing ever comes of this…the lessons I have learned, any awarenesses I have discovered or any gifts I have received are priceless. I am happy to have lived every moment.

Stay tuned…

Twin Flame
Twin Flame


Dazed and Confused

Harry Houdini… The disappearing boifriend.

Sometimes things just have me in awe…baffled…Dazed and confused.

Here are a few thoughts that went through my head after dating a guy for 6 to 8 weeks…mind you…With mutually agreed to exclusivity. Who kissed me pleasantly goodbye on a Sunday…and I never heard from him again… Nothing tragic really… Just baffled…D&C.

Is he the guy with ebola or did we break up?
Did he break his phone…because sadly a guy I’m exclusively dating…doesn’t know where I live or work. (Flag on the field)
Is he in a coma or did we break up? Because really I’m fine with either (of course I’m just saying that because it’s funny). I also agree that maybe it wasn’t going to go any further. But seriously not even a phone call or a text or anything… As a responsible party to this relationship I can also look at myself and ask why don’t I call or text. However in this instance I do believe the man is in charge of leading.

Again I am not sad or brokenhearted and haven’t really given it a lot of thought… But again you get it it..slightly dazed and confused!?!?

Which always leads me back to the same conclusion… It’s cosmic! When It comes to…well pretty much everything…you don’t have to do anything.

Every piece of information I’ve ever needed to know finds its way to me!

Don’t Bite Me……too hard

Don't Bite Me
Don’t Bite Me
Being single I always say you have to find the person that plays as much of the game as you play. There is absolutely nothing wrong with two Super Players working it out..or two people that don’t play much game at all finding a match. Equal yin and yang…the pendulum just needs to swing equally both ways.

I went out with a really interesting cat one time 4 to 6 dates with a goodbye parking lot kind of kiss at the end…(There is so much power in a kiss..I really do need to know about the kiss before we move on) very sweet and controlled. So, I decided I felt safe enough to meet him in his place to watch “a movie”. I like to think I’m good at picking up on bad vibes… So I felt safe enough to go to his apartment…it was very nice…well decorated… no hidden basement doors. No signs of excessive OCD…or slovenliness. The date starts out very nice… We order a pizza and have a beer while we are waiting. And then…the show starts!!! He said let’s address the elephant in the room… And so proceeds to lay the biggest wettest sloppiest kiss possible on me…like he threw it across the room onto my face! Not saying he did it wrong just saying… not my style. But I’m just thinking maybe he’s nervous. But, he probably should’ve saved that one for later or yet maybe sooner…in the parking lot and we could’ve avoided this whole mess. But Noooo…evidently this was a necessary experience for me to have. So we have our pizza, drink our beer and watch the movie. All is going well. And then we went from a nice casual movie date to a face luncheon. And by this I mean kissing that worked into nipping…to biting and then a lot of biting…painful biting! And when I say a lot I’m not talking about a casual nip here and there…I’m talking outward verbal noises of discomfort and pain coming from my mouth. Again don’t get me wrong I’m no prude I appreciate a little bit/bite of creativity. However, too much… much too soon! The crazy thing is… I gave it a few more dates because I’m curious…is he hungry, does he need a snack…should I leave carrots handy? Was he a vampire in a past life? Was this in 50 Shades of Gray…because I didn’t read it. I actually woke up the next day with my neck bruised with bite marks. Just to clarify there is no sex happening here this is just kissing seriously just kissing… And of course biting!

We are no longer dating he was a very nice man… but the pendulum swung too far for my liking.

Funny thing is… I see he and his current girlfriend on Facebook from time to time and I just think to myself…”I know what she likes”!!!