Hello my Beloved Shadow,
I often times live in my own little world of rainbows, sunshine, pixies, unicorns and LOVE! It is not often that I allow you out to play in this magical world of mine. I am just now noticing how dysfunctional that is.
By keeping you separate I realize I am keeping you in the dark…keeping you down. In a sense keeping you dark. I ask you for forgiveness. I love you, thank you and I am sorry! I realize you have just as much right to your time in the light!
Growing up it was what I remember seeing mostly in my environment, peoples dark…leading with insecurity, fear and control. So as soon as I came to a place where I was managing my own life I ignored that part of myself. What I saw from others seemed so out of control, so manic, like it took them over, from a place of unconsciousness. This is not a judgement of others just an observation of consciousness. I did not understand the lack of balance. What I have done for decades is to stifle you. To not allow you to breathe. From a place of fear, ironically. Afraid that I would express the same energy if I allowed you to surface. When you did surface, to gasp for air it was not pleasant for either of us. Me uncomfortable and you determined to be seen and heard.
Of course you were always there. Every action laced with the echo of your energy. I was only pretending that you were not there. I realize now that I have created just as much of an imbalance as what I had previously seen in others. Because I do not speak out, you are silenced, non-verbal, but I feel you in my thoughts and through my judgments. Just because I deny you does not mean the you are not present. In shoving you down I did not hear you. I became so good at ignoring your presence and dismissing you that I didn’t even realize I was missing your gifts. You were offering at times, a warning, an awareness, a negativity or a pain you may have recognized in another. I was meant to hear you, process your observation and act accordingly. I am humbled at my own blindness. Surprised to have found you attached to me the whole time. My lovely shadow, I ask you to join me in the light and we can walk forward together the rest of the way. You are the Yin to my Yang and I am not complete without your discernment.